Sunday, September 26, 2010

Longest Month of my Life

So far, this has been the longest month of my life.

I am not exaggerating or being over-dramatic. I have never felt time crawl by as slowly as it has in the last fourteen days.

Ryan and I were talking about the next cycle, and he asked when it might start. I told him, best case scenario, I could start in 2 weeks. Even he was shocked that we still have at least two more weeks before we could possibly do anything to work towards our family again. As I said, time just crawls now.

I try not to recognize every lost milestone (today I would have been 7 weeks... I would have started showing by my birthday... I would have been 4 months at Christmas...). I try not to memorialize each sad memory (it’s been 2 weeks since we found out we lost the pregnancy... it’s been 10 days since I started bleeding...).

It’s hard, but I try.


b35 said...

i feel your pain...i can't stop the thoughts of where i would have been..or where i feel i should be right now. that i would be showing, that people would know...instead i've had to deal with the "i'm so sorry" and the look of pity (it might not be pity, but that's what i see) in people's eyes. it's just not fair.

i'm on my 4th cycle since the m/c and i won't lie; some days are easier, but some are harder.


Tami said...

Yep...I totally understand what you mean. July and August for me were the hardest, slowest, most painful months I have ever endured. This month has been hard in its own way because we knew we would have found out the sex this month....then January will be hard because of my due date...You are not alone...the grief is very real...Hugs!

Mrs. Lydon said...

I am so sorry that this happened, to both of us. You were one week further than me i would be 6 weeks. I am recovering from a D&C right now. And cannot stop crying. I am so terribly sad. I dont know how to pull myself out of it. And like you am trying so hard not to think of the milestones. (this week we would have been having my ultrasound to see how many were in there) :(
I feel your heartbreak. And as sad as i am for us i am for you and your husband. Big Hug!!
Hang in there. I think its all we can do.