One would be the day I married my high school sweetheart, August 26, 2000. We were married in the evening, after what felt like a very long courtship (4 years). Most of the people we loved were there, and our families worked so hard to make it amazing. I'll never forget it.
Another great day was the day Ryan and I were sealed for all time and all eternity in the temple, September 1, 2001. My family and a few close friends were there and that day was amazing too.
Nine years later, I had another best day: September 1, 2010... the day we found out, after waiting so long, we were finally pregnant.
We were supposed to do a home pregnancy test on Thursday, September 2nd. As I mentioned in an earlier posting, Ryan had confiscated all my pregnancy tests to keep me from testing early. I was a good girl and didn't look for them.
On Wednesday night, I was relaxing at home after a pretty long day. Ryan arrived home from volunteering at our church's grape vineyard. I wasn't planning to, but the minute he walked through the door I blurted out, "Could we try to take a test?"
Logically, it was a dumb idea. Not only were we early, but I had already gone to the bathroom three times that night. Even if there were pregnancy hormones, they probably would have flushed away by then. It's best to test first thing in the morning. So imagine my surprise when Ryan immediately said yes.
He got the test from his secret hiding spot (which I could have easily found, by the way, haha) and sat next to me while I peed. Very romantic.
I set the test on the ground and we both stared at it. We watched the dark control line appear. In the test window, there was nothing.
Ryan was the first to say something, "Round three!", meaning we would start the treatments over again. I started telling him I was actually surprised by the result. After the spotting on Monday, I had become so tired, not just 'Prometrium' tired, but tired like I've never felt before. It was weird because here was a negative pregnancy test right in front of me, and I wasn't crying. I felt more confused than sad.
As I was rambling on, I looked down at the test again and said, "Wait! What is that?"
I held the test close to my face and I saw it. A faint line in the test window.
I don't remember much after that. At some point, I got off the toilet and began pacing around. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of trying to convince Ryan that the test was positive, even though the line was really light. I even looked up the directions on the internet.
For a tired and pregnant woman, I stayed up late that night, past 1am at least. I just couldn't sleep. I kept looking at the test, putting it down, and looking at it again. I probably would have fallen asleep holding it, but I was sane enough to realize how weird that would be. ;)
Just to be sure, Ryan went out and bought one of the digital pregnancy tests. The next morning, I woke up at 4am and took it. I crawled back in bed holding it and a few minutes later, by the light of my cell phone, I saw the most beautiful word ever written on a computerized pee stick:
(Ryan took this picture later that day. Oh, sweet kitties... life is gonna change... :D)
I called the doctor's office at 9:00 sharp. They sent me in for blood work. Ryan had to go to court that day, so I waited alone for the results. I shampooed the carpets to keep myself busy (which is a lot more tiring than it looks!). Finally, just before 2pm, they called with my number.
147! The nurse said they like to see anything over 50, so that number left me feeling pretty good.
The next steps are 2 more blood tests (Thursday, Sept 9th and Thursday, Sept 16th) and then we see the heartbeat (Monday, Sept 20th). I will feel so much better once I see that little heart beating.
I have read enough information to know that not all pregnancies make it to the end, but we are trying to remain optimistic and excited. I am just trying to enjoy the moment. This is my first confirmed pregnancy, and the whole experience is just surreal. It's embarrassing to admit, but I have literally pinched myself a couple times. I have this fear of waking up and it was all a dream.
We continue to pray that this pregnancy is the baby we will hold in our arms someday...
Why we told so soon:
When we first decided to start a family, I think we were like most people. We planned to keep our pregnancy a secret until after the first trimester. We had dreams of showing off ultrasound pics and announcing that in 6 more months, there would be a baby in our home.
Infertility changed all that. I had started this blog as a journal of our experience with the hopes that our future child would read it someday. Along with this, it was a place for friends and loved ones to keep track of our progress. It helped me avoid answering a million questions from everyone about where we were in the process. Writing was cathartic, but talking about it was sometimes painful.
Through the blog, I also found support from an awesome community of women who were experiencing much of the same things I was. In the first few years, Ryan wasn't as involved in the process (although he was very supportive), and it was nice to have people to relate to.
Fast-forward several years, and I am writing about our treatments on this blog. Most people in my personal life were are of what we were doing, some calculating the exact day we would test. Although they were respectful of me, I know they were wondering, asking questions of others, waiting for the news.
Quite quickly, it became very clear that we had two options, avoid people altogether and lie when asked directly about the results OR come clean and share our news openly. Although the chances for miscarriage are there (just like any other pregnant woman), we've decided to rejoice in this pregnancy and be optimistic that this is it for us, that this pregnancy will result in a baby in 8 months.
If not, than everyone will be along for the ride. Just like you have been a part of this process in the past, you will read about what awaits us in the future. We've accepted that gladly, because it is worth all the love and support we've experienced over these last 7 years.
The final reason we decided to tell was pretty personal. I have a pregnancy-radar that is unbelievable (as I'm sure most women who have experienced long-term infertility do). I went through 7 years of knowing that women were pregnant weeks or even months before they announced it. I am not faulting them for that! That is their personal decision and they have every right to decide when and how to tell (just like I do). But there was some pain in wondering what was coming and waiting to see if I was right. Let's face it, it is really hard to hide a pregnancy when you are excited and joyful about it. I don't care how good you think you are at hiding it, someone with my kind of radar can always tell. And I know I would be the same way if I tried to hide it. Those who carry infertility would be able to tell. And I didn't want to leave anyone wondering.