Friday, November 26, 2010

Empty Shell

God says He won't give us more than we can handle. I feel like I can't handle much more.

I don't have high hopes for this cycle, and the thought of doing another one is exhausting. If Follistim / IUI #5 doesn't work, it's IVF time (after a long break to save up the money). The thought of that is agonizing.

God: I can't take it anymore. I know others have had more treatments, more disappointments, more heartache, and they make it through. But I can't. My journey has been too long and there have been too many roadblocks, traffic hazards, and unanticipated delays.

I can't do it. I can't.


Cindy said...

i'm so very sorry is all i can say. i experienced something similar this past week. my son passed away 3 months ago. this passed week i noticed pregnancy symptoms. i was excited and nervous, thinking maybe god was blessing me after this tragedy. i took a pregnancy test, it came back positive- then negative, then positive, then negative, then AF came. it was pretty close to torture. i could not understand why god would allow it. it was more than i could handle. my husband tells me god does give us more than we can handle, it make us run to him. he also told me that the bible doesn't mention this specific quote, which i just googled and found to be true. so i guess god gives us more than we can bear but promises to work everything for our good because he loves us. i hope you are encouraged that although you are suffering the loss of infertility you are not harmed. because the greatest harm is separation from God. "in the life of the christian, God uses what the world says is ONLY horrible and ONLY bad for good, ALWAYS!" we become closer to him through this process mainly because we need him so much :) he wrote a good post on this topic, hope it encourages you :

nlbixler said...

I'm so sorry, Michelle. As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.