Sunday, February 20, 2011

Dear Andie,

Some people probably think I am weird for writing you a little letter, but I don't care. I am writing this for you, but I think it's mostly for me.

I just wanted to say that I was so excited when I found out I was expecting twins. From the beginning, it looked as though you might not make it, but I always felt comfort that it would all turn out alright. I thought that meant you'd be joining us in September, but now I know it was just my Heavenly Father offering comfort to get me through the hard times to come.

When I saw that you had left us, I felt so many different emotions... guilt that maybe I had done something wrong, sadness at your loss, fear for Beanie. I mourned you. I never thought of you as simply a "vanishing twin". I saw your heart beat. I know you were a person.

"A person's a person no matter how small."

I have not and will not forget you. When people act like you didn't exist, I correct them, or at least acknowledge you in my thoughts. Some day when Beanie is born, I will think about you, and how you were almost a part of our family on earth too.

I don't know how it all works, whether I will get a chance to be a mommy to you and little appleseed someday, but I wanted to say I enjoyed being your mommy while I had that blessing and I love you very much.

4 comments:

twinthoughts said...

What a touching letter, your children are so blessed to have you as a mother my dear!

Mrs. Lydon said...

Beautiful. I wonder so often how that works. Will we meet these little people some day, all I know is we will love them forever.

Amy Nielson said...

You are NOT weird at all for writing this letter. Very touching.

Wonder Woman said...

That was so beautiful. You were clearly created to be a mother.

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.