Thursday, February 17, 2011

It’s a Scary World Out There

Tuesday was our last visit to the RE. It was a surreal experience. After Nurse H performed the ultrasound, she looked at me and said, “Well, that’s it!” She gave me a big hug, copied some of my files for my new OB and off we went. As we left, the nurses in the front offered us congratulations and asked us to keep them updated.

And just like that, it was over.

It has been nearly seven years since I first walked through those doors. Even Ryan was shocked to hear that number. How quickly those years added up. We had a lot of detours on the way.

In 2004, I had my first consultation with Dr. S. We had been trying to start our family for almost a year at that point. All the infertility testing was completed and everything looked perfect. Even so, Dr. S cautioned us that statistically we only had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own. “What does he know?” I thought, and I headed back out those doors to ‘relax’ some more and try to get pregnant.

Two years later, I was back. Fine, okay, I give! I’ll take the Clomid. Four rocky cycles later we weren’t any closer than we started. Unable to afford the next level of treatment, we considered laparoscopic surgery, thinking endometriosis might be our issue.

Well, thousands of dollars later we realized... it wasn’t! We spent the next year paying off that surgery and the two years after that completely stagnant. What a miserable time that was.

Finally, it was 2010 and we were back. We now had the means to take the next step. Ryan was getting more involved this time around, which was great. We were a team. We started treatments again with injectable medications this time. We said we would do 5 cycles, and were shocked when we were pregnant after cycle #2. Then came the miscarriage.

Back on the horse, it was the 5th and final cycle that finally put us here today.

During that roller coaster, it was the same awesome nurses that were there the whole way through.

Nurse H did nearly all of my IUIs. We spent most of our time at that office with her. I loved her cute personality and attitude. She was the one who had to tell me in September that we had lost the baby. She let me sit and cry on the phone, offering comforting words that I don’t remember. She was also the one who played my baby’s heartbeat for the first time, an experience I’ll always remember. I never thought another woman would be in the room when I conceived a child, but if someone had to be, I’m glad it was her.

The other nurses were wonderful too. Nurse M did a few of my IUIs. She awesome. Nurse K was the one who called out as we left after the last IUI, “This is the one, Michelle. I can feel it! You’ve waited long enough; it’s your turn!” All of the nurses up front were just great, answering my paranoid questions and being as accommodating as possible, despite the busyness of the practice.

We only saw Dr. S during 2 consultations (2004 and 2010) and for my surgery (2007), which was fine with me. Not seeing Dr. S meant we hadn’t reached the IVF level and, although we would have gone there if need be, I am grateful it wasn’t necessary (fingers crossed).

With all that history, it was weird waving good-bye yesterday and walking out of the office.

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the OB. How am I going to handle that? Sitting in a room with a bunch of bellies? I am like them in physical condition only. Other than that, I couldn’t feel more different.

I have no idea what it’s like to stop birth control, have sex for a while, pee on a stick and head to the OB.

They have no idea what it’s like to have 7 years of heartache, countless negative tests, injections, surgery, and medical procedures.

This next phase is going to be interesting. It’s a scary world out there, but one I am willing to try. ;)


Dani said...

Yay! Good luck tomorrow. That was one of the weirdest transitions for me. Especially when they told me I'd only be coming once a month and I wouldn't get an ultrasound at each appointment. (hopefully your office is different!) I'm interested to hear your comparisons between the RE and the OB.

Ashley said...

I am so happy to read that you are moving on to the OB. It's like a rite of passage that I hope everyone who is struggling gets to take some day.

Congrats again!

Carroll Berrett said...

I will pray that there are not a bunch of bellies and only women both young and old there for there annual! : ) Good luck tomorrow and I hope you have an awesome OB.

Stephanie said...

It's a place where I think we'll always be stuck in the middle - always an IFer at heart. We have the compassion for what others like us go through and those that get pregnant right away can't even comprehend. Those of us that are lucky enough to experience both sides (and I do mean both sides) will come out such a stronger person in the end. I'm so happy for you!

A said...

Good luck at the OB :) I am going to the midwife for the 1st time a week from tomorrow, and I have no idea what to expect!!

Amy Nielson said...

My situation is very different from yours but I will also be SO grateful to the nurses at my OB's office who "got us pregnant". :) It is a weird feeling when I don't see them for a while. I miss them, but then it seems weird that I miss nurses and office staff. :D SO excited for you to "move on" to an OB office now. I hope you like them just as much.

Lyndsey said...

I am so, so happy for you. I didn't read your blog for awhile (for some reason it wasn't showing up as being updated!) but I was so excited that you're pregnant!!! You are so strong, and so awesome, and I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm sending happy baby vibes to your neck of the woods.