Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bittersweet Day...

but much more sweet than bitter...

Our little Twin A has a beating heart, but has not grown at all. Twin A will not make it through the pregnancy. Over the next couple weeks, the heart will likely stop beating. :( While there is always hope, we are trying to begin adjusting to the idea that we will not get to meet our little fighter in person.


Twin B is still measuring perfectly and has grown so much in one week. He or she looks like a little frog, with visible arms and legs already. The heartbeat was strong and we even got to hear it (which was a huge surprise - I didn't think that happens until later). It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I was so happy Ryan was there to experience it with me.



Today was a mix of emotions... anxiety, sadness, and overwhelming joy. We are about 8 weeks into the pregnancy with a due date of October 2nd. It will have taken us 8 years of heartache and enormous spiritual growth to finally become parents. I am overcome with gratitude that we will get that chance.

To those of you who fasted with us in January, I want you to know that we felt it. And God heard it. The week of the fast we went in for our last IUI and, well, here we are. We will never forget your love and support.

And the journey towards parenthood continues...

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The last 8 weeks have certainly been a roller coaster. To read all about the pregnancy click here.

28 comments:

Stephanie said...

First of all, I just want to say that I am so excited for you! I completely understand keeping the secret - I finally announced on my blog last week that I am expecting also. I am so sorry to hear of baby A, but am very grateful for baby B growing strong! I just read through all of your updates and I can't wait to hear about the rest of your journey!

Savannah said...

I'll go read all of the posts, but I have to jump in now and say CONGRATS. But I'm also so sad about baby A.

A said...

oh my gosh! i was so surprised when i opened this post and read all of the new ones!! congratulations :) although i know it is bittersweet- i am so sorry about baby A (hug)

Luna said...

YIPPEE!!!!!!!! I have no words, but I do have the biggest grin and such joy in my heart!

Alan and Abby said...

I'm so happy for you! Reading all your posts made me want to cry with joy for you!

Michele said...

Oh honey... Congratulations on being a twin mama! NO matter how long your children live, you will always belong to that special group. Praying for your babies...

Renee Hart said...

I just caught up on your blog and I gotta say, little sister, you just made my day/ month/ year! I just knew that this time was going to be your time:-)
CONGRATULATIONS! Words can't express my joy for you!

Hillary said...

Bittersweet news, indeed. Mourning Baby A with you and celebrating Baby B. Many congrats on your pregnancy!

makingmemom.blogspot.com

Sharilyn said...

I just started reading, but I am so happy for you and Ryan. How bitter-sweet it must be, but hang-on to the sweet... I began to tear-up when I read about people fasting for you, and the miracle of God's hand in your lives. I will keep your growing family in my prayers. All My Love!

{owens} said...

i always read your blog and don't comment much as we have finally received our miracle baby and i know it hurts to hear from people who are "past" the infertile journey, but you're so right. it changes you forever. we are constantly keeping you in our thoughts and are SO ecstatic that your miracle (hopefully miracles :)) are on their way. hugs always.

AJ said...

You are loved Michelle! I am SO happy for you two. Words can't describe how I feel for you guys!! If I could climb on my roof I would shout from it. You and the other two pregnancies I've heard about this past month have REALLY made my day(s). Love ya!

Holly said...

Oh my goodness, I have tears in my eyes after reading your posts. I am so very happy for you, your husband and Baby B, and so sad for Baby A, and that you won't get to meet them yet. What another commenter said is true though, you'll always be a twin mama, and that baby WILL be yours to raise some day. Thank goodness for the beauty of the Gospel.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet little family!

Jen said...

I was so surprised and excited for you when I read this post! It gives me hope that it can happen eventually.

I gave you a blogger award today!

Malone and Brittany said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, seriously makes me want to cry!

Hope said...

I just read through your whole pregnancy story. I completely understand you keeping things to yourself. While I am sorry to hear the Baby A is not doing well, I am very happy for you that Baby B is growing so well. Congratulations! I am so happy for you and am keeping my fingers crossed!

Logan and Amy said...

We were so excited to look at our blogs we follow and see this amazing post! We are so very happy for the both of you! We will pray for baby A. We are so glad to hear baby B is doing great.

Browniris said...

For some reason, your posts weren't coming across on my dashboard, so I had no idea that you are pregnant! Congrats!!! I am sorry to read that Baby A hasn't grown as well, but very glad to hear that Baby B is doing great. I hope you get good news next time you go in...I will keep you in my prayers!

Rachel said...

Congratulations on the pregnancy! And I'm sorry about twin A. We'll be praying for you. :-)

Christine Dallimore said...

Oh My Goodness, Oh My Goodness, Oh My Goodness!!!! I am so very thrilled for you guys!!! I have been praying for you guys by name for months now...now I am so thrilled that tonight I can thank Heavenly Father for blessing you with the desires of your heart! Eeeeek---I am just grinning from ear to ear right now!!!

As for Twin A...I am sorry. Loosing a little one at any stage is very difficult. Heavenly Father just must be sending you all of the very special and valiant celestial spirits He can...I think that says a lot of the trust He has in you.

As for Twin B...like you mentioned earlier, grow baby grow!!!! If you hear a big rattle from Idaho that is just me doing a super happy jig for you guys!!! I can't wait to read all about your progress! :0)

Richard and McKenna said...

Congratulations!!!!! I am SO excited for you!! I am due Sept 2nd and at my 6 week appointment found out that we were carrying twins but the one stopped developing early so it was termed vanishing twin syndrome. I was in shock though because we didn't take any medications or anything other than prometrium after I ovulated (for low progesterone) and twins don't run in either of our families! But I think more of the shock came from the fact that we would have had 3 kids under 18 months...I can relate with the bittersweet feeling. But that is so exciting!!

Neal said...

Thinking of you! I know the pain of seeing a little embryo with no beating heart, but the joy of knowing one twin is growing must be wonderful. I'm so happy for you.

Cheers said...

So happy and so sad for you.
I can't imagine how this would feel.
(o)

No Baby Ruth said...

Congratulations!! I am so happy for you! I've been wondering and wondering when you'd be posting again and how everything was going. I am so happy to see that this IUI was the one!!!

I am also so sorry about Baby A. I know exactly how you feel as I went through it a few months ago - 2 babies at the 6 week scan and signs of growth in just one at the 8 week scan. It is incredibly difficult and I think about the other twin daily (I'm now 20w+ and due July 2). He'll be with us forever as will yours.

I think the word bittersweet was invented for situations like these. Focus on the sweet sweet sweet!!

Tamara ViAnn said...

holy crap this was a surprise! Congratulations and I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out. I'm sorry about baby A and hope that little B continues to progress. Again, conragats!

Sean and Kristen said...

So sorry to hear about baby A, but I am so excited for you and your pregnancy. I've been reading for years and I can't wait to hear all about your pregnancy and eventual baby!!!

Ash said...

Congratulations! I'm so over the moon happy for you guys! Is it bad that I'm still gonna hold out hope for baby a? miracles do happen right? Anyway, I will continue to pray w/ you guys for a long and healthy pregnancy! :)

C said...

I am going to to read all the posts!! I CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

Sharon said...

That's the most wonderful news! I was hoping and hoping that you might have been writing good news posts in 'secret'. Congratulations to you both - you deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way. We're praying for you and your two little ones.

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.