I have a personal, strict rule about this blog: No going back and reading entries. Why? Because it is monumentally depressing! Starting treatment, stopping treatment, plans that never came to be: why torture myself by reliving all of that?
I have started and stopped so many plans it can make my head spin. Many times, money was the contributing factor. If money were no object, my guess is I would have continued from one step to the next when I started this whole infertility testing/treatment process back in 2004.
But money aside, I still have jumped ship during times I could have kept going. Why? If it is something I want so badly, why am I having difficulty sticking with a particular protocol?
After much thought, I think I know the answer, or at least a portion of the answer. Although I know I will have a family someday, I have no idea where this family will come from. Will it be through foster care, adoption, fertility treatments, or just a surprise on its own? Will it be because I used acupuncture, relaxation, a fertility supplement, or just “forgot about it”?
Every time I start working on one area, the fear comes over me that maybe I am supposed to be doing something else. If I try to just relax and live my life, I fear I am wasting time. I’m not getting any younger. When I try a natural infertility technique, I wonder if I should be spending my time and energy pursuing foster care instead. It’s a never-ending cycle. I can never win!
And all of this is to achieve something that is basically unknown: The pursuit of a baby. My baby. This illusive gift that I know will be wonderful and worth every minute of heartache.
But, really, who is this person? Boy or girl? A blondie like me, a brunette like hubby, or a different ethnicity entirely? Have they already been born and are making their way into our home, or will I carry them for nine months?
If I knew these answers, I could choose a path, and you would not be able to detour me from it. But with all the unknowns, I wander without answers, and jump from plan to plan, just waiting for inspiration…
Oh, how music can say things I can’t. I love this song because it speaks so true to how I am feeling, and is so upbeat in the process. You can’t listen to this song and not feel happy. I may falter, but I’ll never give up. And when I meet my baby, I’ll know. :) Someday, SOMEDAY, I’ll find the right path and I’ll get there.
I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,
I tried so very hard not to lose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility.
I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.
And I know that it will be so amazing,
And being in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility.
And someday I know it'll all turn out,
And I'll work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get,
I just haven't met you yet.
Listen to the song:
CLICK HERE
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Weaver
My life is but a weaving,
between my God and me,
I let Him choose the colors,
He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow,
and I, within my heart,
Forget He sees the pattern
while I see only part.
The dark threads are as needful,
in the skillful weaver's hand,
As threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
Not till the loom is silent,
and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas,
and explain the reason why.
(Anonymous)
I know I can't wait to see what my canvas looks like one day... I'm sure when I do it will have all been worth it. I hope it will be beautiful!
between my God and me,
I let Him choose the colors,
He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow,
and I, within my heart,
Forget He sees the pattern
while I see only part.
The dark threads are as needful,
in the skillful weaver's hand,
As threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
Not till the loom is silent,
and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas,
and explain the reason why.
(Anonymous)
I know I can't wait to see what my canvas looks like one day... I'm sure when I do it will have all been worth it. I hope it will be beautiful!
Monday, March 15, 2010
The Why and the How of it
After my Freedom posting, I received several emails asking for more information. It seems people are wondering how to begin seeking help for depression.
I’m no psychologist, but here is my opinion. :) I think the best way to go about this process is to see a therapist (either a MFT, LCSW, or psychologist) first. They can ‘diagnose’ you with depression, and talk to you about whether medication would be right for you. Then, if it seems medication is right for you, either they refer you to a psychiatrist who does a brief interview and gives you the prescription or you can just go to your primary doctor.
I chose the second route because I have been with my doctor since I was 17 and she knows me really well. I hadn’t even mentioned to her that I had seen a therapist. She took one look at me and knew I needed help. But you may not know your doctor that well, or they may not be ‘in tune’, and in that case it would be good to have the outside opinion of a therapist.
Another benefit to seeing a therapist is that maybe you don’t need medication after all. Maybe, particularly if your depression is purely situational, therapy is enough on its own to get you through. You don’t want to go into antidepressants lightly. They literally change your brain chemistry. You want to make sure they are appropriate for you. If therapy is enough, let it be enough.
If you do need extra help though, even with the therapist’s recommendation, there can still be roadblocks. I have a friend who went to a new doctor about her postpartum depression. Even though she told him that her therapist recommended she take something for a while, he told her she just needed to exercise. That is actually really good advice, if she was able to get out of bed. Luckily, she didn’t give up. She got a second opinion. She took an antidepressant (with continued therapy) for about six months, weaned off, and has been fine ever since. So, if you know in your heart what’s right for you, don’t give up!
Now, you could skip the therapist altogether. Some doctors have no problem writing prescriptions for anything, just because you asked. But I recommend seeing someone first. This is your health, and I think a slow, methodical approach (with a few different opinions) is better.
About the word “depression” being on your medical file… yeah, it stinks. Join the crowd. Many, MANY people have been treated for depression. I would venture to say most long-term infertiles have dealt with it in some way. I have been assured by case workers and therapists that it does not hinder adoption proceedings. Regardless, if you are seriously dealing with depression, what choice do you have? Are you going to live your life half-way so that you don’t have to see a “therapist” or have the word “depression” next to your name in some doctor’s file? That’s NO life.
Along these same lines… it is possible that some people will have to take an antidepressant, or see a therapist, their whole life. Many do not, but some do. Maybe their chemistry is such that they are susceptible to full-on, long-term depression. It’s not ideal, but again I say, what is your other option? Personally, I would rather have a full life with valued relationships and special moments, even if it means I have to take a tiny pill each day, or talk with someone each week. I was able to wean off the medication, so I don’t know how it feels to be in that situation. Even so, I know how I felt when I was in the midst of the depression, and that wasn’t living.
Of course, I need to acknowledge that antidepressants (and even therapy sometimes) are not for everyone. Some people have awful reactions to antidepressants, and they can make things worse for some. What I am trying to express is the importance of knowing yourself and doing what is right for you to make your life better. Maybe it’s therapy, maybe medicine, maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe it is exercise, meditation, volunteering, or art. Whatever it is, it is so SO important that you find it, and never give up trying. Because, if you are where I was, it can only get better!
I hope this helps someone!
I’m no psychologist, but here is my opinion. :) I think the best way to go about this process is to see a therapist (either a MFT, LCSW, or psychologist) first. They can ‘diagnose’ you with depression, and talk to you about whether medication would be right for you. Then, if it seems medication is right for you, either they refer you to a psychiatrist who does a brief interview and gives you the prescription or you can just go to your primary doctor.
I chose the second route because I have been with my doctor since I was 17 and she knows me really well. I hadn’t even mentioned to her that I had seen a therapist. She took one look at me and knew I needed help. But you may not know your doctor that well, or they may not be ‘in tune’, and in that case it would be good to have the outside opinion of a therapist.
Another benefit to seeing a therapist is that maybe you don’t need medication after all. Maybe, particularly if your depression is purely situational, therapy is enough on its own to get you through. You don’t want to go into antidepressants lightly. They literally change your brain chemistry. You want to make sure they are appropriate for you. If therapy is enough, let it be enough.
If you do need extra help though, even with the therapist’s recommendation, there can still be roadblocks. I have a friend who went to a new doctor about her postpartum depression. Even though she told him that her therapist recommended she take something for a while, he told her she just needed to exercise. That is actually really good advice, if she was able to get out of bed. Luckily, she didn’t give up. She got a second opinion. She took an antidepressant (with continued therapy) for about six months, weaned off, and has been fine ever since. So, if you know in your heart what’s right for you, don’t give up!
Now, you could skip the therapist altogether. Some doctors have no problem writing prescriptions for anything, just because you asked. But I recommend seeing someone first. This is your health, and I think a slow, methodical approach (with a few different opinions) is better.
About the word “depression” being on your medical file… yeah, it stinks. Join the crowd. Many, MANY people have been treated for depression. I would venture to say most long-term infertiles have dealt with it in some way. I have been assured by case workers and therapists that it does not hinder adoption proceedings. Regardless, if you are seriously dealing with depression, what choice do you have? Are you going to live your life half-way so that you don’t have to see a “therapist” or have the word “depression” next to your name in some doctor’s file? That’s NO life.
Along these same lines… it is possible that some people will have to take an antidepressant, or see a therapist, their whole life. Many do not, but some do. Maybe their chemistry is such that they are susceptible to full-on, long-term depression. It’s not ideal, but again I say, what is your other option? Personally, I would rather have a full life with valued relationships and special moments, even if it means I have to take a tiny pill each day, or talk with someone each week. I was able to wean off the medication, so I don’t know how it feels to be in that situation. Even so, I know how I felt when I was in the midst of the depression, and that wasn’t living.
Of course, I need to acknowledge that antidepressants (and even therapy sometimes) are not for everyone. Some people have awful reactions to antidepressants, and they can make things worse for some. What I am trying to express is the importance of knowing yourself and doing what is right for you to make your life better. Maybe it’s therapy, maybe medicine, maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe it is exercise, meditation, volunteering, or art. Whatever it is, it is so SO important that you find it, and never give up trying. Because, if you are where I was, it can only get better!
I hope this helps someone!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Weaning...
After writing this blog posting, I was approached by one of my most awesomest friends (and, yes... awesomest is a word!). :) She was wondering how I weaned off of the Lexapro. After telling her my story, I felt I should also post it here. When a doctor tells you not to stop antidepressants cold turkey, you should listen. Here's why...
It literally took me months to wean myself from the medication. I first tried to stop cold turkey. I had finished my prescription for the month and didn't want to pay to refill it. I was thinking that I may be a bit more 'emotional' for a while and then I'd be fine. I was soooo wrong.
A week in, I had a complete emotional meltdown. Literally, one of the worst evenings in my life. I can not express to you the horror that was that night. It was the deepest depression mixed with the highest amount of anxiety possible. It was sheer panic, indescribable dread, and impending doom all mixed together.
What was even worse... I was experiencing weird sensations. They were kind-of like an electrical shock through my whole body. They weren't painful, but very scary. Immediately after feeling the shock, I would get the feeling I was going to pass out. Then, a second later, it would be gone.
They started after day 3 or so, and by the time I got to that week mark, they were occurring at least every 10 minutes. Finally, that night, I looked up Lexapro withdrawal symptoms and saw that other people had experienced these "shocks", and some had progressed to seizures. I became convinced that's where I was headed and went that night to a 24-hour pharmacy and refilled the prescription. By the next evening, those "shocks" were completely gone and I felt light-years better emotionally.
That whole incident scared me pretty badly, so I waited a few weeks before trying again. This time, I did it right. I cut the 20mg pills in half (10mg) and took those for a good month. Then I tried to take 10mg every other day. The "shocks" returned (although not NEARLY as bad as they were that one night). So instead, I cut the pill into fourths (5mg) and took that everyday. After another several weeks, I started taking it every other day, then every 3rd day, and finally not at all.
It's been about a month since I've taken 1/4 a pill, and I still get an occasional "shock" every once in a while. The doctor said that it takes months for the medicine to fully and completely leave your system. I have noticed that they went from 1 a day, to 1 every few days, and I think I have gone about a week without one yet. So, I'm making progress!
Respect the medication! Respect that it is literally altering chemicals in your brain! Give your body time to readjust slowly.
Okay, PSA over! :) Thanks to my most awesomest friend for inspiring me to share this story!
It literally took me months to wean myself from the medication. I first tried to stop cold turkey. I had finished my prescription for the month and didn't want to pay to refill it. I was thinking that I may be a bit more 'emotional' for a while and then I'd be fine. I was soooo wrong.
A week in, I had a complete emotional meltdown. Literally, one of the worst evenings in my life. I can not express to you the horror that was that night. It was the deepest depression mixed with the highest amount of anxiety possible. It was sheer panic, indescribable dread, and impending doom all mixed together.
What was even worse... I was experiencing weird sensations. They were kind-of like an electrical shock through my whole body. They weren't painful, but very scary. Immediately after feeling the shock, I would get the feeling I was going to pass out. Then, a second later, it would be gone.
They started after day 3 or so, and by the time I got to that week mark, they were occurring at least every 10 minutes. Finally, that night, I looked up Lexapro withdrawal symptoms and saw that other people had experienced these "shocks", and some had progressed to seizures. I became convinced that's where I was headed and went that night to a 24-hour pharmacy and refilled the prescription. By the next evening, those "shocks" were completely gone and I felt light-years better emotionally.
That whole incident scared me pretty badly, so I waited a few weeks before trying again. This time, I did it right. I cut the 20mg pills in half (10mg) and took those for a good month. Then I tried to take 10mg every other day. The "shocks" returned (although not NEARLY as bad as they were that one night). So instead, I cut the pill into fourths (5mg) and took that everyday. After another several weeks, I started taking it every other day, then every 3rd day, and finally not at all.
It's been about a month since I've taken 1/4 a pill, and I still get an occasional "shock" every once in a while. The doctor said that it takes months for the medicine to fully and completely leave your system. I have noticed that they went from 1 a day, to 1 every few days, and I think I have gone about a week without one yet. So, I'm making progress!
Respect the medication! Respect that it is literally altering chemicals in your brain! Give your body time to readjust slowly.
Okay, PSA over! :) Thanks to my most awesomest friend for inspiring me to share this story!
Freedom
A year ago, I wrote that I was having a rough time. I had been having a rough time for quite a while. Although I wrote that I accepted help from my doctor, I did not expressly say what that help was.
My doctor prescribed 10mg of a drug called Lexapro. This was later increased to 20mg. I remember the day I picked up the prescription. Inside the pamphlet that came with it, I read Lexapro is typically taken for 6 months to a year. I remember thinking I would be different. I would need to use these pills until I finally got pregnant or became a mom. I couldn't imagine I would be able to function again without help.
Well here we are, one year later, and I am completely off of the medication. I even weened off during a particularly rough time period emotionally. And I still did it.
And, although I am still saddened by the current state of affairs, I am not hopeless. I have bad days, but every day is not bad.
This last year has reinforced my belief that depression can begin situational, but can become a literal chemical imbalance. I firmly believe I had that imbalance. A year on this medication helped to resolve that imbalance, and now I am making it on my own again.
I am so happy to finally experience freedom. Not freedom from the medication so much, but freedom from the dark place I was in for so long. I am grateful that there are medical advances that could help me get my life back. I am disappointed in those uneducated people who continue to judge or degrade someone for having the courage to seek help. I am proud I had that courage.
My doctor prescribed 10mg of a drug called Lexapro. This was later increased to 20mg. I remember the day I picked up the prescription. Inside the pamphlet that came with it, I read Lexapro is typically taken for 6 months to a year. I remember thinking I would be different. I would need to use these pills until I finally got pregnant or became a mom. I couldn't imagine I would be able to function again without help.
Well here we are, one year later, and I am completely off of the medication. I even weened off during a particularly rough time period emotionally. And I still did it.
And, although I am still saddened by the current state of affairs, I am not hopeless. I have bad days, but every day is not bad.
This last year has reinforced my belief that depression can begin situational, but can become a literal chemical imbalance. I firmly believe I had that imbalance. A year on this medication helped to resolve that imbalance, and now I am making it on my own again.
I am so happy to finally experience freedom. Not freedom from the medication so much, but freedom from the dark place I was in for so long. I am grateful that there are medical advances that could help me get my life back. I am disappointed in those uneducated people who continue to judge or degrade someone for having the courage to seek help. I am proud I had that courage.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Hinkley Wisdom
Written on the chalkboard in Sunday School today:
"Go forward on the assumption that everything works out."
This is a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley... and something I really needed to read today.
I've spent all weekend wondering if I will ever experience pregnancy. If not, that's okay, I just want to know why! Physically, what is wrong with me? With us? I so wish I knew.
Anyway, Gordon B. Hinkley was a prophet and one of the wisest men to ever live. So, I am trying to take his advice and go forward with the assumption that everything will work out. Eventually...
"Go forward on the assumption that everything works out."
This is a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley... and something I really needed to read today.
I've spent all weekend wondering if I will ever experience pregnancy. If not, that's okay, I just want to know why! Physically, what is wrong with me? With us? I so wish I knew.
Anyway, Gordon B. Hinkley was a prophet and one of the wisest men to ever live. So, I am trying to take his advice and go forward with the assumption that everything will work out. Eventually...
Friday, January 22, 2010
Appreciating the Sun
I love the rain. In fact, one of my dreams is to live in Seattle someday. Now, I know I’ve only been there once, and during the best time of year, but I can’t help feeling connected to that city. I love it!
Anyway, I digress.
California has been ambushed by rain storms. For a ‘desert’, we sure are drowning here! It’s been 5 or 6 days straight of dark skies, violent wind, and periodic downpours.
Today, I was heading out to lunch when I noticed the skies part. Suddenly, the sun emerged and beat down on the wet, clean earth. I raised my face up to it and felt its warmth. After not seeing the sun for so long, I couldn’t help but pause and appreciate its presence.
At that moment, a thought came to mind. If this was your typical California day, I wouldn’t have even noticed the sun. I might have even complained that it was too bright, or too hot. But because I had felt the rain for so long, I appreciated when the sun finally emerged.
Such is true about life: You have to go through the rainy days to appreciate the sun.
Although I love rainy weather, I don’t much care for rain in life. All of our trials, heartache and disappointment pour down on us… and we wonder if it will ever end.
But inevitably the sun will come out and, when it does, we will notice its warmth and feel its glow more than ever before. And that feeling will be worth all this rain.
So, for right now, we’ll just open our umbrella, dance in a few puddles, and wait for the sun.
Anyway, I digress.
California has been ambushed by rain storms. For a ‘desert’, we sure are drowning here! It’s been 5 or 6 days straight of dark skies, violent wind, and periodic downpours.
Today, I was heading out to lunch when I noticed the skies part. Suddenly, the sun emerged and beat down on the wet, clean earth. I raised my face up to it and felt its warmth. After not seeing the sun for so long, I couldn’t help but pause and appreciate its presence.
At that moment, a thought came to mind. If this was your typical California day, I wouldn’t have even noticed the sun. I might have even complained that it was too bright, or too hot. But because I had felt the rain for so long, I appreciated when the sun finally emerged.
Such is true about life: You have to go through the rainy days to appreciate the sun.
Although I love rainy weather, I don’t much care for rain in life. All of our trials, heartache and disappointment pour down on us… and we wonder if it will ever end.
But inevitably the sun will come out and, when it does, we will notice its warmth and feel its glow more than ever before. And that feeling will be worth all this rain.
So, for right now, we’ll just open our umbrella, dance in a few puddles, and wait for the sun.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Hands
Each of us has our own trials and struggles in life. The one I write most about, obviously, is infertility. However, I have experienced other trials in my life that caused me to feel hurt, frustration, anger and resentment. This helps me to understand that, although I write about infertility, many of these same emotions can be brought out because of other situations and disappointments in life. This has helped bind me to other people who have not lived my same experience.
You can take this entire blog and replace the word “infertility” with many other words (“death of a loved one”, “serious illness”, “career loss”, “divorce”), and I doubt much would change. Maybe the details would differ but the tone would not.
This Sunday, we heard an inspirational talk in church. Both Ryan and I were touched by it. The speaker spoke of trials, and centered his talk on this scripture:
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
Alma 7:12
Christ’s goal is to carry our burdens for us. There is no emotion He has not felt before. He suffered the hurt, disappointment, and weaknesses of every soul that has ever lived, or will live. There is no way to even imagine the suffering that Christ took upon Himself for our name. Living through our trials helps us to recognize a tiny fraction of what the Savior did for us.
Like the Savior, we should look up from our own difficulties and reach out to someone else.
Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.
Doctrine and Covenants 81:5
I LOVE this scripture. It is so descriptive of what we should be doing to help each other.
One of my favorite songs reads as follows:
His hands
tools of creation
stronger than nations
power without end
and yet through them we find our truest friend
His hands
sermons of kindness
healing men's blindness
halting years of pain
children waiting to be held again
His hands
warming a beggar
lifting a leper
calling back the dead
breaking bread, five thousand fed
His hands
hushing contention
pointing to heaven
ever free of sin
then bidding man to follow Him
His hands would serve his whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I’ll not rest ‘til I make of my hands
what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee
His hands
clasped in agony
as He lay pleading, bleeding in the garden
while just moments away
other hands betray Him
out of greed, shameful greed
and then His hands
are trembling
straining to carry the beam that they'd be nailed to
as He stumbles through the streets
heading towards the hill on which He’d die
He would die
they take His hands,
His mighty hands,
those gentle hands
and then they pierce them,
they pierce them
He lets them, because of love
from birth to death was selflessness
and clearly now I see him with His hands
calling to me
and though I’m not yet as I would be
He has shown me how I could be
I will make my hands like those from Galilee
The speaker on Sunday spoke of the Sacrament we take in church each week. Typically, you sit quietly while the bread and water is passed. The speaker mentioned that he often sits and looks at his hands. He thinks about Christ’s hands, and the stories you could tell about what Christ did with his hands. I wonder what stories my hands would tell… and how I can use them to better the lives of those around me.
I hope, this year, to listen more than I speak, support more than I lean, and dry more tears than I cry. Maybe in doing this my tears will ease as well. :)
-----------------------------------------------------
This is a little video I put together about the life of Christ. The music is ‘His Hands’, the song quoted above.
You can take this entire blog and replace the word “infertility” with many other words (“death of a loved one”, “serious illness”, “career loss”, “divorce”), and I doubt much would change. Maybe the details would differ but the tone would not.
This Sunday, we heard an inspirational talk in church. Both Ryan and I were touched by it. The speaker spoke of trials, and centered his talk on this scripture:
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
Alma 7:12
Christ’s goal is to carry our burdens for us. There is no emotion He has not felt before. He suffered the hurt, disappointment, and weaknesses of every soul that has ever lived, or will live. There is no way to even imagine the suffering that Christ took upon Himself for our name. Living through our trials helps us to recognize a tiny fraction of what the Savior did for us.
Like the Savior, we should look up from our own difficulties and reach out to someone else.
Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.
Doctrine and Covenants 81:5
I LOVE this scripture. It is so descriptive of what we should be doing to help each other.
One of my favorite songs reads as follows:
His hands
tools of creation
stronger than nations
power without end
and yet through them we find our truest friend
His hands
sermons of kindness
healing men's blindness
halting years of pain
children waiting to be held again
His hands
warming a beggar
lifting a leper
calling back the dead
breaking bread, five thousand fed
His hands
hushing contention
pointing to heaven
ever free of sin
then bidding man to follow Him
His hands would serve his whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I’ll not rest ‘til I make of my hands
what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee
His hands
clasped in agony
as He lay pleading, bleeding in the garden
while just moments away
other hands betray Him
out of greed, shameful greed
and then His hands
are trembling
straining to carry the beam that they'd be nailed to
as He stumbles through the streets
heading towards the hill on which He’d die
He would die
they take His hands,
His mighty hands,
those gentle hands
and then they pierce them,
they pierce them
He lets them, because of love
from birth to death was selflessness
and clearly now I see him with His hands
calling to me
and though I’m not yet as I would be
He has shown me how I could be
I will make my hands like those from Galilee
The speaker on Sunday spoke of the Sacrament we take in church each week. Typically, you sit quietly while the bread and water is passed. The speaker mentioned that he often sits and looks at his hands. He thinks about Christ’s hands, and the stories you could tell about what Christ did with his hands. I wonder what stories my hands would tell… and how I can use them to better the lives of those around me.
I hope, this year, to listen more than I speak, support more than I lean, and dry more tears than I cry. Maybe in doing this my tears will ease as well. :)
-----------------------------------------------------
This is a little video I put together about the life of Christ. The music is ‘His Hands’, the song quoted above.
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