Monday, January 10, 2011

Get Real?

I have been accused of something just awful… Apparently, I am too positive. Dreadful, isn’t it? ;)

I am actually okay with being called “too positive”. There are worse things in this world. What hurts is being told I’m not “real” about this trial of infertility or that I “sugar-coat” my experience.

Hmmm, have you read this post?

Or this one?

Or, more recently, this one?

Did you miss the entire year where I was clinically depressed to the point of medical intervention?

Did you forget my miscarriage?

I am writing this blog from my experience and my perspective. I choose to focus on positivity whenever possible, simply because I find I get through the day better when it’s there. Some days that method doesn’t work and I feel bitter and alone. But guess what? I write about those times too.

Just because I don’t declare war on every pregnant woman out there and fill my blog with negativity all the time doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. But concentrating on that doesn’t get me anywhere. At the end of it, I'll still be infertile. But I'll also be angry, bitter and miserable.

Someday, my children will read this story. How wonderful would it be if they could come away from it feeling like their mother handled herself gracefully during these last 8 years? That is my goal. I’m not there yet, but I try. Sometimes, I let out a nice big vent and it feels so good. And then I remember the TRUE goal of my journey, and all that negativity doesn’t seem as important anymore. It is not my purpose.

So, if you are interested in reading how *I* see, feel and experience infertility, stick with me. I promise a journey of faith, hope and the occasional meltdown. Should be a fun time!

If you are only into vents and rages, I have a number of other sites I can suggest instead…


Poduska Family said...

I am always surprised when I hear you talk about other people's criticisms towards your blog. Where are these people coming from and how in the world can they criticize you for making the decision to be positive?

Hope said...

Like the previous poster, I don't see why people criticize your blog. I appreciate your ability to both find a silver lining, and be very realistic about what IF and Loss are like.

(((Hugs))) Sorry you have to deal with those types of comments.

Luna said...

What an odd comment, imo. My guess is they do not know you very well. You are a positive person, whom we all love. We want to be positive with you!

I think be optimistic is a great way to cope. Life is hard! Why not make it as happy and joyful as we can. 2 Nephi Chapter 2 teaches us a lot about Joy and opposition in all things. We are to have Joy, but sometimes we need the miserable too, but staying in the miserable only slows down out Joy!

Go on.. Be joyful, be happy, be positive, LOVE your life. It really is an amazing life that is only going to get better!

Cheers said...

Well said.... as a new blogger my posts are constantly rages & rampages. I hope that in the future once I get the hang of actually sharing real feelings I too can have a positive outlook, after all, thats what we all really want isn't it?

Marianne said...

I recently stumbled accross this quote "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit" by Helen Keller. Keep positive no matter what. I believe it's vital in this journey.

A said...

What? You got accused of being too positive? Have they seen MY blog?!

I think it is so noble of you to try to keep in mind how your actions and thoughts during this time will seem to your children. I am going to have to start thinking this way- maybe it will help whenever I get close to despair!!

Hang in there- and vent whenever and be positive whenever!!

Chhandita said...

Whoever said that to you needs help! seriously. I love your blog. Just be who you are....

Sharon said...

That's the most weird thing I've ever heard anyone criticised for! Obviously, I don't know the background to it, but I know that it says way more about the critical person's own issues than it does about you or your blog.
It takes so much more energy and strength of character to find a 'positive' lesson in a trial than it does to just give in to constant anger and bitterness. We all go to dark places on this road, it's only natural, but the things we learn from it are every bit as real too.
And how insulting to suggest that you should be anything other than yourself ON YOUR OWN BLOG!
What you said about your children reading this story one day sums it up perfectly ... ultimately it's about you and them, and the rest of us are just privileged to be sharing your journey at all.
Keep running your own race - you're doing great!

Holly said...

That is too funny...

I didn't start reading blogs until last summer, but when I did I was surprised by the amount of negativity and bitterness people expressed while going through infertility. At first I thought it was because they didn't have the eternal perspective that the Gospel brings, but then I noticed it among seasoned members as well. I realized that, as bitter and broken hearted as I had been, I was actually doing pretty well in comparison! Reading the bitterness helped me in many ways because it gave validation to the angry feelings I had experienced, but at the same time, there were some blogs I had to steer clear of simply because there was too much NEGATIVITY, not positivity! It was actually a positive infertility blog that got me reading blogs in the first place!

I guess when I'm honest with myself, the blogs where people gripe and complain about trials make the natural side of me feel good, but the blogs, like yours, that accept the bad and seek to see the good, have faith, and remain positive, are the ones I actually need and crave in my life, because they are the ones that pull me through.

Thank-you for your blessed positivity!

Michele said...

Well said!!!