Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I have written about the topic of friends before… but I feel the need to write again… even if it’s just a repeat of thoughts I’ve already expressed.

I am so grateful for friends. I have lovely friends who have been close to me during different times throughout the last 8 years.

Some were friends that walked the infertility road with me for a little while. They received their blessings and moved on. It’s not that they don’t care; I imagine life just became too busy. Sometimes, I feel a little bitter and wonder where they went. Was I just a convenient listening ear and therapist for them to vent to, and now they don’t need me anymore? Do I remind them of a painful time in their life? I try not to think that way and just be grateful for the time that we shared.

I have other friends who did not struggle with infertility, but were there for me anyway. Over time though, as they had kids and families, our friendship faded away. I think it’s easy to be supportive for a while, but as the years tick by (especially those years with no progress), it gets more difficult. I guess our lives are too different now. Recently, I’ve run across old blog entries with comments by old friends who just don’t comment anymore. I can’t help but wonder if I did something wrong or if that is just life.

I especially hold dear those few friends who have not given up on this journey with me. They were there at the starting line. They were there for the first tests in 2004, during the failed treatments of 2006, the depression in 2008, and our return to treatments in 2010. If it takes me 10 more years to become a mom, I can count on them to be there through it all. Honestly, I don’t know how they do it. And they ask for nothing in return. It’s just amazing and I don’t feel worthy of it. There is no way to repay that kind of gift.

A huge benefit that has come from infertility has been the new friends I have made. Some of them I have never met in person, but they have touched my life beyond measure. I am grateful for the Wannabe Moms Club and the face-to-face support it has given me. What beautiful, intelligent girls these are. Each of them different, but we’re all connected. And they all will make fabulous mothers someday.

In that ugly, ugly world of infertility, there are some tremendous blessings. One of the greatest has been its effect on friendships… whether it is testing an old friendship or bringing me new ones, I am grateful for that.


A said...

I have been thinking alot of previously infertile people who are now pregnant or moms who never comment anymore. I am still interested in how they're doing, and I tell myself the reason they don't comment is because they are too busy... not that I did anything.

Friendship through IF is TOUGH, and if you can find some people who will hang wiht you for the long haul, don't let 'em go!!

J said...

Friendships, most often, are based on sharing common interests, life experiences etc. So when those things change for one party or another the friendship often dies.
I am glad you have some good friends who are supportive of you.
It will be a sweet celebration for them also ( when you have your first baby :)

Luna said...

Those are some good questions you ask! I really wonder what the answers are.

Holly said...

Hey, I don't know where else to post, because I don't see how to get ahold of you at all, but I just wanted to thank you for your posts and your realness. I read your post about being depressed (linked from your previous post) and it made me cry those big relieving tears. I've been struggling so much with this lately, I feel like a mess, and am just starting to wade through it. I know it probably seems ungrateful to be experiencing depression and to have infertility fears and struggles after I've already had a baby. I've struggled with those feelings too, and have had to accept recently that I am just not my normal self, and am trying everything I can to be happy. Your posts give me so much hope and strengthen my faith so much. Thank you a hundred times over.


Baby said...
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Baby said...

I, too, wonder sometimes about people who commented frequently in the past but are now not so present and I wonder. I wonder if I'm boring to read or if I've said something wrong. In the end, however, I know that I've been me and that's all I can do.

I think this post is really poignant given your previous post. Friends accept you for who you are, without passing judgement. And they are the ones that are important in this life... not the others.

(I know that I've said this before, but I do NOT know why my name shows up as Baby. What's up with that blogger?? It's No Baby Ruth.)

Carroll Berrett said...
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