I have written about the topic of friends before… but I feel the need to write again… even if it’s just a repeat of thoughts I’ve already expressed.
I am so grateful for friends. I have lovely friends who have been close to me during different times throughout the last 8 years.
Some were friends that walked the infertility road with me for a little while. They received their blessings and moved on. It’s not that they don’t care; I imagine life just became too busy. Sometimes, I feel a little bitter and wonder where they went. Was I just a convenient listening ear and therapist for them to vent to, and now they don’t need me anymore? Do I remind them of a painful time in their life? I try not to think that way and just be grateful for the time that we shared.
I have other friends who did not struggle with infertility, but were there for me anyway. Over time though, as they had kids and families, our friendship faded away. I think it’s easy to be supportive for a while, but as the years tick by (especially those years with no progress), it gets more difficult. I guess our lives are too different now. Recently, I’ve run across old blog entries with comments by old friends who just don’t comment anymore. I can’t help but wonder if I did something wrong or if that is just life.
I especially hold dear those few friends who have not given up on this journey with me. They were there at the starting line. They were there for the first tests in 2004, during the failed treatments of 2006, the depression in 2008, and our return to treatments in 2010. If it takes me 10 more years to become a mom, I can count on them to be there through it all. Honestly, I don’t know how they do it. And they ask for nothing in return. It’s just amazing and I don’t feel worthy of it. There is no way to repay that kind of gift.
A huge benefit that has come from infertility has been the new friends I have made. Some of them I have never met in person, but they have touched my life beyond measure. I am grateful for the Wannabe Moms Club and the face-to-face support it has given me. What beautiful, intelligent girls these are. Each of them different, but we’re all connected. And they all will make fabulous mothers someday.
In that ugly, ugly world of infertility, there are some tremendous blessings. One of the greatest has been its effect on friendships… whether it is testing an old friendship or bringing me new ones, I am grateful for that.