Monday, October 25, 2010

Moded and Corroded!

Did you ever say that expression in 1st grade? Admit it! You did. And it is the perfect expression for this blog posting.

This childish statement goes out to all those well-intentioned busy-bodies who spent the last 7 years making me cry with the following statements…

- Just relax and it will happen.
- You’re trying too hard.
- Forget about it and you’ll get pregnant.

Notice all of these items put the blame on us. Not on some unexplained medical condition we might have, but on our mindsets, our attitudes, our anxieties. The reason we weren’t getting pregnant was under OUR control, but we were CHOOSING to “try too hard” and “not relax”. And THAT is why we weren’t pregnant yet.

Even though, logically, I knew that there was some other issue going on, I spent so much time blaming myself for our infertility because of these comments. I think this happens a lot to those with “unexplained infertility”. There is not a diagnosed medical condition, so the problem must lie somewhere else… right?

Well, in 2010 we were vindicated! We achieved pregnancy. No, we didn’t relax or try less. We sought medical treatment. If there were no medical issues, then why did we get pregnant on our 2nd Follistim with IUI cycle? We were anything but relaxed, we were trying really hard, and we were definitely thinking about it.

So, for all you well-intentioned busy-bodies out there… moded and corroded! :P Hopefully this is a lesson to you that no diagnosis does not equal no medical issues. And maybe you’ll think twice before making these comments to other couples who struggle with starting their family.


Savannah said...

Loves this post. What a great point. Infertility is not because we can't relax, etc. It is a medical condition. I wish the world would understand that. I also love the chuckels I got out of this post because it is so true.

Tami said...

SO true!!! Same experience here! Pregnant on FIRST EVER IUI. That has to say something!! Sheesh people!!!!! :)

Poduska Family said...

Love it! How true it is. Unfortunately medical knowledge cannot always find the answers but that sure isn't YOUR fault!

Hillary said...

Love this! Here are my thoughts on what's going on when people say things like these. I think they mean well, but it's selfish. They don't want to really think about what they should say or what you'd like or need to hear. And your sadness makes them uncomfortable, as it would anyone who realizes that sometimes life is just crappy and unfair, and they don't want to feel that way anymore. So they selfishly make those comments, which make them feel better (hey, the universe isn't awful and unfair--you're just trying too hard!) and their burden is relieved.

I know they mean well, but it doesn't keep me from wanting to punch them in the face, you know?! I have tried so hard to figure out why I've been given this trial, and so far I've got nothing. But maybe learning greater patience and an appreciation for sensitivity are parts of it?

Malachi and Layne said...

Oh my heck! You are SO right! doesn't stop when you have a diagnosis. I have Endometriosis and a bi-cornate Uterus- but we are still trying because these are some things that can be overcome with medical intervention and STILL we get the "Just relax" or "It whill happen when you stop trying".....NOPE NO NO NO amount of relaxation will make this medical condtion go away!! THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!!

I LOVE your blog! GOOD luck!

Luna said...

ya....people some really dumb things sometime! I think it is true, people don't know what to say, and they have heard other people say that sorta thing... or there was that one example of their neighbors, friend's sister... and therefore it must hold true for ALL.

I think it is hard for people to realize that sometimes the best thing you can do is say nothing at all. Just kind eyes and a listening ear is all that is needed. Maybe a hug, or on rare occasions "man, that has to be hard, I really wish you didn't have to go through this"

I love your posts because they remind me of ways to be kind in every aspect of my life. I truly have learned so much from your blog. You have great life lessons that apply to WAY more than infertility.

You are one wise woman!

Brittany said...

HAHAHA, I too love this post. Your right all those saying do put the blame on you guys, which is not fair. Getting pregnant on only your second IUI cycle is a huge success. I think you should give yourselves some credit for that, for sure! And I think it should give you great hope for the future!

Karen said...

I always hated those comments too!