Over the past year or so, I began to understand why I had to wait so long to become a mother. This is especially true now that I am pregnant, obviously. :) I can more fully appreciate God’s timing. For some reason, this baby was supposed to come now.
I can say that infertility has taught me so many life lessons and every one of them will make me a better mother than I would have been. The 31-year-old me is much more comfortable in my own skin than the 23-year-old me who first endeavored towards parenthood. (This is not to infer anything about anyone else – I am just speaking for myself.) I can say that my 10-year-marriage is stronger now than our 3-year-marriage was. I can say that the last 7 years were worth it, and if I had to wait longer, that would have been worth it too.
I am beginning to understand the role that infertility has played in my life, and am starting to appreciate it. When I meet my Heavenly Father again someday, I don’t think I will need to ask Him why we had to wait; I think I am already beginning to understand that.
Now THIS is something I’ll never understand…
A woman I know is about my same age. She gets pregnant very easily, and is proud of it. In the last decade or so, she has had four children, all of which have been taken away from her at some point or another and permanently adopted out. Recently, she had a fifth child, and that one too has been placed with a legal guardian.
She is pregnant again, with child number six. Six children, five or six different fathers (I can’t keep track). She joyfully announced this sixth pregnancy, becoming quite defensive if anyone was less than 100% enthusiastic and supportive.
My point is not to bash on this woman (and anyone who does so in the comments will be deleted). My point is to ask why?
I know so many wonderful, caring couples whose number one desire is a child to raise and love. Why can this woman easily have five beautiful, healthy children (not raising a single one of them), while they continue to suffer and wait? And now… she’s pregnant again…
When I meet God, I will ask him this question. Why? I just can’t understand.
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2 comments:
I hope you don't mind if I try to answer your rhetorical question. :)
I've wondered this before too, but came to realize something. Heavenly Father knew that what I wanted most in life was to have a family, and that I would never give up until I was a mother. If it was any lesser desire that I was denied I would just give up and resign myself to not having it, but not motherhood. And so, at some point in my trial I would HAVE to turn to Heavenly Father, the source of all blessings, and seek his comfort, accept his will, and humble myself in order to be blessed. It HAD to be infertility for me, I just feel that.
For another woman though, like the woman you mentioned, her greatest desire, the thing she would do anything for, might not be motherhood. She has to learn the same lessons I have (or that we ALL have to learn) but she'll learn them in a different way, in her own refiners fire.
I hope this makes sense. I really do believe that this is the case, and that even those who are seemingly unworthy of the great blessing of motherhood struggle with their own goliaths that we don't know about. It's funny you bring this up, though, I was about to post a series of emails over the next few days, and at one point I talk about exactly this. :)
Maybe it's that the easily pregnant woman and her many beautiful children are God's answer to a couple or family awaiting adoption. I believe sometimes it's not all about the woman getting pregnant and not even about her choices but God's all knowing way of placing a child where they belong.
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