Friday, July 2, 2010

Thank You and a Confession

Thank you to those who have kept Ryan's job in your prayers. I have been contacted by several friends who have done so, and we have felt it. It appears his job is safe for now. There is a chance he could be in danger again in December, but we are taking it one month at a time and, generally, we feel a sense of comfort about the whole issue.

Which means we are still set for treatments sometime soon. Game on!

Now to my confession...

I have a lot of blog readers who I know personally. I have readers that I haven't met in person, but I've conversed with online. I'm sure there are other readers who "blog stalk" me (much like I do in some cases), reading along but not making contact with me. I appreciate anyone who stops by and lends support, even if it is not expressed.

As treatment time approaches, I have thought about how to record those upcoming experiences on here. I started this blog just to record my journey with infertility, in hopes of sharing it with my child someday. It grew into something more.

Now, I feel a responsibility to people who have committed to traveling this journey with me. I feel like I owe it to them to share my treatment experiences.

On the other hand, I really don't want people to know the exact day or moment I find out if a treatment cycle was successful. If I am unsuccessful, I might want some time to deal with that privately. If I become pregnant, it would be nice to share that moment with my husband before the verdict is shared with the masses.

Bottom line, I don't want people in my personal life to look at me on a particular day and know that was the day I would test. I just want some time to adjust to the outcome first on my own.

Because of all this, I have made the decision to keep my experiences during a treatment cycle private for a while. I will still record events as they happen, but I will post them on a delay. Once there is an outcome to a particular cycle, I will post the rest of that cycle's blog entries, so that you can still follow the journey. I really think this plan will work well for me.

I do feel like I am not being fair to all those ladies who put everything out there. It is only right that I do that too. And if my blog was a secret to those who see me on a regular basis, maybe I would. But I want to share everything with those awesome people I love. So I will, albeit a bit slower than in the past.

I hope this all makes sense.

UPDATE: Yeah, well that plan didn't work out after all!! See this blog posting.


Hillary said...

I remember feeling the same way when we were doing treatments, and now I just feel guilty that I have nothing to report since we're not doing anything right now. Yes, it's less entertaining to blog readers when you don't post tons of details or blog everything right when it happens. But everyone should understand how private this stuff is, and how emotionally loaded. Do whatever feels right for you.

Savannah said...

I think you are right to keep your cycles and treatments to your self. Infertility can be so personal. I know if I learn a treatment failed, my heart will break for you. Wether it is the same day you learn of it or two weeks later, I will be crushed. And on the same note, a pregnancy announcement will be met with tears and shouts of joy. I will be excited the first time I hear the news wether you announce it right away or choose to keep it close to your heart and your husband for a few weeks. The important thing is, you are in my prayers every day.

Luna said...

I think it is a great idea. It is your time.... take it! You may find it handy for later in you pregnancy as well. Since people won't know the exact dates of things.... you can fib a bit about the edd.... so you aren't asked a thousand times "You haven't had the baby yet?" Like they don't see your round belly under their nose more than your own. It is nice of people to ask... but not always helpful to the mama!

We are all going to be here for you no matter what, on your time.

So glad to hear about Ryan's Job!

Malachi and Layne said...

Great desision, When I did my cycle I got a positive pregnacy test, a week or so later I found out it was Eptopic and posted that we were NOT pregnant...I cannot tell you how many "Congrats" I got still....people don't always follow all of the ups and downs, holding your verdict may be best. However you should not feel alone at this time. I (for one) am always hopping and praying that a miracle will come your way!

Angie said...

I just found your blog and wanted to wish you good luck! I read through your timeline on your side bar and I can say we tried everyone one of those things..infertility is such a rollercoaster! You will be in my prayers :)