Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Present to Myself

As I implied in our Infertility Game Plan, I want to try to be as kind to myself as possible during this process, especially as I approach beginning treatments again.

One idea I had was to do little things that make me feel good during that time. I know myself and, once I am in treatments with all the expense and emotion that goes with it, I will talk myself out of spending money on anything “frivolous”. So, I came up with an idea. I am gathering up gift certificates so that when the time comes, I have no excuse not to use them.

I bought a few gift certificates for nice restaurants from They are places that hubby and I love; perfect for a couple who wants to get out and away from it all. The downside is that they can be pricey. Now that I have the coupons, it will be harder to talk myself out of going there when hubby and I need a little pick-me-up.

Today, I purchased a $75 facial for $30 through I consider it another opportunity to treat myself during what I know will be a rough time. I am keeping my eyes open for other fun deals and cheap opportunities.

There is a purpose to all this. For a long time during this infertility experience, I put others above myself. I would let other infertile friends dump all their heartache on me, and I would take it, only to find myself abandoned once they got their baby. I would spend huge amounts of money on gifts for expected moms, but wouldn’t even buy myself a shirt because that “$20 could go towards treatments”. I shopped at Babies-R-Us, just because the soon-to-be mommy was only registered there. BABIES-R-US, people!! Ridiculous.

No matter how painful a situation was, I would swallow the lump in my throat and charge through it. I let myself get used and abused and worse of all, I abused myself. I did all those things because I felt that’s what I was “supposed” to do to be a good friend, co-worker or person.

Seven years later, I say no more! I deserve to be taken care of too, even if it’s just me taking care of myself. Sometimes, it’s okay to choose my feelings over someone else’s feelings. It’s okay to get a gift certificate for an expecting friend AND buy myself a shirt. It’s okay if I don’t open up to someone just because they ask.

I think of it this way… how would I treat someone in my situation? The answer to that question is exactly how I should treat myself. So, during this next year of injections, IUIs and cycle timing, I’m going to do just that.


Susie Demke said...

Boundaries are a very good thing. I've paid way too much money to other people to help me figure that out. You are a very wise woman.
You can do this:) Love love love to you!

Amanda said...

I love it! What an important lesson for us all to remember, thanks for the reminder, both to treat ourselves well and remember NOT to take advantage of others generosity. good luck and I hope your close friends and family will help you to remember to take care of yourself!

junebug said...

Fantastic idea!! I love groupon. I think I will have to borrow your idea. It is so hard to remember to be kind to ourselves.

Luna said...

AWESOME!!!!!! I think it is a habit you should keep up FOREVER. I think it is a problem that fits many situations. I find myself doing the same thing, justifying buying something for someone else, usually a child, but not myself. I need to follow your lead! I really think you are one of the most insightful people I know!

We LOVE buying gift certificates from It is great when you get a sweet deal on them with a coupon code too!