So, I know in my infertility Game Plan I said that we would take a break between treatment cycles. One month on, one month off, assuming we could afford it.
I have decided to alter the game plan.
As I am coming up on the end of this cycle, I contemplate the idea that this month’s treatment will be a failure. This very real thought makes my heart sink and my throat constrict. I can literally feel the devastation hovering over me. The thought that I will have to live in that devastation for an entire month while I wait for the next treatment cycle is unbearable.
We have the money now. I have left-over medication that will make this next cycle a bit cheaper. Why wait?
Although the treatment process is taxing and exhausting, there is something else I feel while going through it. Hope. I have felt hope so strong for the first time in years, and I am addicted. I just can’t pack it away for a whole month unnecessarily.
The nice thing about an IUI treatment cycle is the process literally starts on Day 1. If I find out this month failed, I will be back in the saddle again within a few days. That kind of distraction is priceless.
Deep in the back of my mind, I know that refusing to take a break now could result in a longer, forced break next time. Most people (including us) can’t afford to do this every month for an extended time. But, the optimistic side of me thinks if I get pregnant next time, it won’t matter that the IF well has run dry. That being said...
On with the show!
P.S. Early response pregnancy tests are the devil!!!! >:-(
Showing posts with label Game Plan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Game Plan. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
A Bump in the Road
Back on June 7th, I met with Missy at Dr S' office. She went over the details of my treatment. I had just begun a new cycle, but we weren't financially ready then to get going. Walking out to the parking lot, we decided we would go for it on the very next cycle.
Upon looking at the calendar, I realized that I would be at Girls' Camp when I begin the next cycle. Although I am so excited for Girls' Camp, I was so disappointed to have to wait another month. I have waited so long for this already!!
After sitting in disappointment for three weeks, I decided to call the doctor and see if there was another alternative. Sure enough, there was!
On Day 3 of my next cycle, I would begin taking birth control for 1 week. At the end of that week, I would go in for my ultrasound and we can proceed with treatment from there. So instead of waiting another month, I would just have to wait one week.
I wrestled with the idea of taking birth control for a while. I am anti-birth control after being on it for 3 years and watching it change my cycle permanently. After thinking about it for a while and seeking advice from a friend, I decided to go for it. I mean, with all the hormones I am going to be putting in my body, birth control for 1 week should be the least of my concerns.
I am also trying to trust my fertility clinic. I will still listen to my gut feelings, and be my own advocate, but I am going to treat them like the experts they are. I think sometimes I tend to question everything, which brings on stress and anxiety. Instead, I am trying to relax and let them guide the course. After all, it is their job.
All of this extra planning could be unnecessary anyway. If I start a few days early or a few days late, we can just proceed as planned. If I am right on time, it's nice to know we have another option besides delaying another month.
Upon looking at the calendar, I realized that I would be at Girls' Camp when I begin the next cycle. Although I am so excited for Girls' Camp, I was so disappointed to have to wait another month. I have waited so long for this already!!
After sitting in disappointment for three weeks, I decided to call the doctor and see if there was another alternative. Sure enough, there was!
On Day 3 of my next cycle, I would begin taking birth control for 1 week. At the end of that week, I would go in for my ultrasound and we can proceed with treatment from there. So instead of waiting another month, I would just have to wait one week.
I wrestled with the idea of taking birth control for a while. I am anti-birth control after being on it for 3 years and watching it change my cycle permanently. After thinking about it for a while and seeking advice from a friend, I decided to go for it. I mean, with all the hormones I am going to be putting in my body, birth control for 1 week should be the least of my concerns.
I am also trying to trust my fertility clinic. I will still listen to my gut feelings, and be my own advocate, but I am going to treat them like the experts they are. I think sometimes I tend to question everything, which brings on stress and anxiety. Instead, I am trying to relax and let them guide the course. After all, it is their job.
All of this extra planning could be unnecessary anyway. If I start a few days early or a few days late, we can just proceed as planned. If I am right on time, it's nice to know we have another option besides delaying another month.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A Present to Myself
As I implied in our Infertility Game Plan, I want to try to be as kind to myself as possible during this process, especially as I approach beginning treatments again.
One idea I had was to do little things that make me feel good during that time. I know myself and, once I am in treatments with all the expense and emotion that goes with it, I will talk myself out of spending money on anything “frivolous”. So, I came up with an idea. I am gathering up gift certificates so that when the time comes, I have no excuse not to use them.
I bought a few gift certificates for nice restaurants from Restaurant.com. They are places that hubby and I love; perfect for a couple who wants to get out and away from it all. The downside is that they can be pricey. Now that I have the coupons, it will be harder to talk myself out of going there when hubby and I need a little pick-me-up.
Today, I purchased a $75 facial for $30 through Groupon.com. I consider it another opportunity to treat myself during what I know will be a rough time. I am keeping my eyes open for other fun deals and cheap opportunities.
There is a purpose to all this. For a long time during this infertility experience, I put others above myself. I would let other infertile friends dump all their heartache on me, and I would take it, only to find myself abandoned once they got their baby. I would spend huge amounts of money on gifts for expected moms, but wouldn’t even buy myself a shirt because that “$20 could go towards treatments”. I shopped at Babies-R-Us, just because the soon-to-be mommy was only registered there. BABIES-R-US, people!! Ridiculous.
No matter how painful a situation was, I would swallow the lump in my throat and charge through it. I let myself get used and abused and worse of all, I abused myself. I did all those things because I felt that’s what I was “supposed” to do to be a good friend, co-worker or person.
Seven years later, I say no more! I deserve to be taken care of too, even if it’s just me taking care of myself. Sometimes, it’s okay to choose my feelings over someone else’s feelings. It’s okay to get a gift certificate for an expecting friend AND buy myself a shirt. It’s okay if I don’t open up to someone just because they ask.
I think of it this way… how would I treat someone in my situation? The answer to that question is exactly how I should treat myself. So, during this next year of injections, IUIs and cycle timing, I’m going to do just that.
One idea I had was to do little things that make me feel good during that time. I know myself and, once I am in treatments with all the expense and emotion that goes with it, I will talk myself out of spending money on anything “frivolous”. So, I came up with an idea. I am gathering up gift certificates so that when the time comes, I have no excuse not to use them.
I bought a few gift certificates for nice restaurants from Restaurant.com. They are places that hubby and I love; perfect for a couple who wants to get out and away from it all. The downside is that they can be pricey. Now that I have the coupons, it will be harder to talk myself out of going there when hubby and I need a little pick-me-up.
Today, I purchased a $75 facial for $30 through Groupon.com. I consider it another opportunity to treat myself during what I know will be a rough time. I am keeping my eyes open for other fun deals and cheap opportunities.
There is a purpose to all this. For a long time during this infertility experience, I put others above myself. I would let other infertile friends dump all their heartache on me, and I would take it, only to find myself abandoned once they got their baby. I would spend huge amounts of money on gifts for expected moms, but wouldn’t even buy myself a shirt because that “$20 could go towards treatments”. I shopped at Babies-R-Us, just because the soon-to-be mommy was only registered there. BABIES-R-US, people!! Ridiculous.
No matter how painful a situation was, I would swallow the lump in my throat and charge through it. I let myself get used and abused and worse of all, I abused myself. I did all those things because I felt that’s what I was “supposed” to do to be a good friend, co-worker or person.
Seven years later, I say no more! I deserve to be taken care of too, even if it’s just me taking care of myself. Sometimes, it’s okay to choose my feelings over someone else’s feelings. It’s okay to get a gift certificate for an expecting friend AND buy myself a shirt. It’s okay if I don’t open up to someone just because they ask.
I think of it this way… how would I treat someone in my situation? The answer to that question is exactly how I should treat myself. So, during this next year of injections, IUIs and cycle timing, I’m going to do just that.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Our Infertility Game Plan
I decided to write down a little Game Plan through the IUI level of treatment. I have no idea how successful this will be at helping me though those difficult days, but maybe leaning back on these things will help.
I am promising myself the following:
-Unless a situation arises which necessitates that we move on sooner, we will complete 5 (and only 5) IUI cycles before moving on to IVF.
-We will begin at the end of Summer 2010. This is purely for financial reasons.
-As finances permit, we will alternate one treatment cycle with one non-treatment cycle. During the non-treatment cycles, we will either try on our own or take a break, whichever we feel like!
-I will take the entire day off work for the IUIs, if able. I'll use this day to just "baby" myself. :)
-I will try to be kind to Ryan throughout this process, even when the hormones are screaming otherwise!
-I will try to minimize unnecessary 'infertility talk' as much as possible, and make my life about more than just makin' babies.
-As hard as this is, I will try not to over-analyze every symptom during the 2-week wait (time between the IUI and the start of the next cycle). To help with this situation, I will plan lots of time with close friends and my hubby, doing fun activities to distract me (nights out, movies, working on our home) .
-During this process, if I am 'not up to' a particular activity or obligation, I will be understanding of this and will not to feel guilty. I will expect that same understanding from those around me. I deserve that.
-I will be there for my friends who are mothers and experctant mothers, but I will also be there for myself. If something is too painful, I will decline to participate or will reward myself later for getting through it.
-We will begin getting our 3 bedroom ready for a child.
-If we experience a failed cycle, hubby and I will treat ourselves to some TLC; this could be a nice dinner out, a couple days away, or a purchase for our house, just something for the two of us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
