Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Lucky? No... Blessed.

As I have expressed many times in the past, Ryan and I have different emotions towards our infertility. While at times I am distraught over the whole thing, Ryan is calm and cool. He wants to be a dad, but is okay with whatever amount of time it takes to get there. In the meantime, he is content to go on small trips and fix up our house.

I, on the other hand, am like a roller coaster. I can be calm for a while and then the whole situation buries me and I am out of control. I have a hard time just enjoying the ride.

So it's safe to say I have often felt like he is not as supportive as I want him to be. Notice I didn't say he wasn't supportive, just not as much as I want, which is usually a pretty unreasonable expectation. Sometimes, I don't take advantage of the strong man he is. I want him to be all soft and squishy, like me!

Then there are times like tonight, when I just want to give up, and he's there pushing me on.

He is my rock, my anchor. The one who reminds me that this is a small time in my life; that infertility is a part of me, but it doesn't define me. He puts infertility in it's place.

He doesn't tell me all this. He shows me by being who he is: compassionate, logical, a bit silly sometimes. There are times when I'm with him, I hardly think at all about the pain of infertility. I just laugh - and it feels so nice. I am grateful for those moments.

Am I lucky to have found a partner like this? No... I'm blessed. :)


Isa said...

Aw. That made me smile. How blessed you BOTH are:)

Luna said...

Ditto to what Isa said! I think you are both lucky to have each other!

Vicki said...

Enjoyed reading your blog. I've been on my journey for 16 years. I pray that your journey is much shorter than mine.

Blessings and fertile thoughts...

Anna M said...

Thanks for the comment, so I could find this. We have been at it for a year and a half. Just waiting.