Sunday, June 1, 2008

Patiently Playing Mama

Our recent beach trip was a blast, with one tragic dear husband is burnt. And by burnt, I don't mean touch a spot and watch it turn from white to red, I mean radiating, excruciating, haven't-slept-for-three-days burnt.

So I am being Ms. Nurse today: rubbing aloe on his back, running tepid water baths, changing dressings every 15 minutes. I am taking care of him, right down to fixing his favorite meals, washing sheets, divvying out medicine, you name it.

In doing so, I am reminded of my own mother. When I was sick, my mom wasn't the "lay on the couch, here's the remote" type. She would do everything she could to make the experience of being sick as pleasant as possible. I remember her changing the sheets often during the day, so I would have cool, clean sheets to lie in. She would snuggle with me and watch daytime TV, like Magnum PI or Matlock. She would buy me my favorite popsicles or make me homemade chicken noodle soup. To this day, she still offers homemade soup whenever I am sick.

I guess I inherited some of this. I've heard that you grow to love others more when you serve them. In trying to help Ryan, I show him I love him and my love grows in return.

As I was sitting next to him, he told me jokingly, "You're gonna make a great nurse". I replied to him, "No, I'm going to make a great mom."

They say that you should be grateful for your trials and the things you have learned from them. It's difficult to be grateful for infertility. However, what I am grateful for is the person that I have become because of it. I will be a much more patient, appreciative, compassionate, knowledgeable, tender-hearted mother than I ever would have been otherwise. I try to think back on myself at 23, and the mother I would have been if I had gotten pregnant right away with no sacrifice or struggle from which to learn and grow. Don't get me wrong, I think I would have been a good mother.

But now, years later, I think I will be great. Maybe I needed these last several years to become what I ought to be. And, perhaps, there's still more learning and growing to be done.


Isa said...

Hello Neighborhood girl here:) I am a bad mama today. really bad. I wish I had waited until I was wiser and more experienced. truly. You ARE going to be the BEST Mama EVER. GREATNESS surrounds you. Love you. Neighborhood girl checking out now:)

RMCarter said...

Isa, you are a GREAT mom! I've seen you mother! :) Everyone has bad days, but that doesn't mean you are not an awesome mother. You are quite the example to me, how you put your kids first and how much you love and do for them. They are truly blessed to have you and I can only hope to follow in your footsteps someday.

I was simply reflecting that in my case waiting turned out to be better (even though I didn't want to wait). Some of us are just ready sooner I guess! :)

Isa said...

I think you are too sweet! I still know that I was not ready. How can one be? Especially on days like this one. Regardless, YOU ARE A GREAT! GREAT! G-R-E-A-T! Need I say more:)

RMCarter said...

I love you sweetie! :)