Thursday, September 1, 2011

Spoilsport

If my husband saw the title of this post, he would say something like, “Okay, Grandma!” He loves to make fun of me when I use words he calls ‘old-fashioned’.

But that may be the perfect word for what I am feeling right now!

We have all seen those “breast cancer awareness” facebook status update trends… Where your purse is, bra color, shoe size, etc etc. Personally, I’ve always thought they are kind-of dumb. The idea is, you post something vague according to the instructions (“I like it on the kitchen counter”) and people wonder what you are talking about (that one describes where your purse is – on the kitchen counter – but of course it sounds sexual). You aren’t supposed to tell any “men” what it means.

Somehow, in SOME way, this is supposed to raise breast cancer awareness. I have no idea how. Reading people’s shoe size did not remind me about breast cancer. Now, if someone was posting about a fundraiser or the link to a breast cancer website, I could see that raising awareness. But who are we kidding? Is there *anyone* out there that is not aware of breast cancer? And how does this game make us aware??? Especially when you don’t tell the men, when many times MEN are the ones who notice a change in their wife’s breasts first.

Now the new cancer “game” has really rubbed me wrong. This time, you post, “I am ___ weeks and I’m craving ________.” The blanks are filled in with a number and a treat that is defined by your birthday.

Of course, when someone posts this, all others who don’t know the “game” immediately start speculating… “Are you pregnant???” and, true to the rules, the poster refuses to answer. Sound fun? Are you more aware of breast cancer now?

The whole thing is ridiculous, because of the reasons above, but this newest game really upsets me. I think back nine months ago and how it would feel reading status after status of women pretending to be pregnant and having fun with people who think they, in fact, are. I think back to after my miscarriage, how I would feel to read these updates and think, “Well, I should have been ___ weeks by now, and craving ________, but my baby is gone.”

So, maybe I’m a “spoilsport” and no fun, but I can’t wait for this fad to be over. It’s all I can do not to comment on every one of these status updates, “No, she’s not pregnant, and if you really want to learn more about breast cancer, you can start HERE.”

16 comments:

Luna said...

do it! I think you should comment on the status!

Sarah said...

I guess I'm a "spoilsport" too. I participated in one of those "on the kitchen counter" ones years ago and then I refused to do it again. Because I realized just what you said, how is this raising awareness?? Its ridiculous. I havent seen the new pregnant one, but WOW. Get a life people ;)

Holly E. G. said...

I agree with Luna! And if it makes you feel more validated, I totally used the word "mollycoddle" twice today, and neither my husband nor my 53-year-old MIL had heard of it!

As for the status updates, I agree they're dumb, and hurtful, and do nothing to raise awareness. Lately my beef has been more with the bragging ones that gush about awesome family relationships, etc, and then say, "Repost if you have the most amazing _______ ever." Your post today reminded me of an update I JUST read, which went like this:

"Being a young mom means we met a little early. But I get to love you longer. Some people said my life ended when I had a baby. But my life had just begun. You didn't take away my future, you gave me a new one. I love you Emma, Hannah, Aidan and Cameron!! *~*~*re-post if you were a proud young mom and what age you became one.*~*~*20*~*~* "

This particular one hurt me (as I'm sure it'd hurt most people who have experienced infertility) because I wanted SO MUCH to be a young mom. I'd have been 21 if I got pregnant when I wanted to, and even though I know that Heavenly Father's plan is much better than any I tried to create for my family, sometimes it still hurts, like I missed out on that, and now there's more pressure to be done having kids sooner because we're older than we planned.

Anyway, I don't think you're being a spoilsport at all, and what you said makes perfect sense!

A said...

aaaaaaaaaand another reason why i don't have facebook and think it is a collosal waste of time and energy ;-)

Holly said...

I totally agree with you too. It is very hurtful to those of us who have tired so hard to get to that point and then people just through it around like its a game.

Hannah said...

My thoughts exactly! And Holly E.G, that young mom one has been driving me nuts but it's due to the "I get to love you longer" line because my daughter died at two days old. I just want to respond to all of them "You HOPE you get to love them longer. We are not promised tomorrow!"

Jenn said...

Oh man. You better believe that if I see one of those I'm going to have a little something to say. :)

FirstTimeMom said...

I totally agree 100%!!! I've hated reading those stupid status updates for the last few weeks. They rub me the wrong way as well. I hate the way they make breast cancer some big joke. It's serious and so is being pregnant. Shame on everyone participating in the game.

Jo said...

THANK GOD I haven't seen this particular posting, because I would probably go ape-shit on the posters. Right before I de-friended anyone callous enough to PRETEND (even for five seconds) that they are pregnant. This absolutely rubs me the wrong way, and you are no spoilsport.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I'm actually crying reading this because... a bunch of friends actually are pregnant, and when I saw someone with that as their status today, I wrote Josh that she's pregnant too and now I'm really the only one not pregnant and how I felt like crap that she told me she was pregnant via FB instead of telling me in person when I just saw her this week. So to find out that it's a stupid game makes me both pissed off at her and at my reaction. I don't understand how that raises any sort of awareness at all. And to be petty, it makes me not want to participate in awareness things ever again when people abuse other people's emotions in that way.

AJ said...

You totally should post the comment and link!!! I agree with Holly E.G about the other things too. I have debated time and time again to hide certain peoples' newsfeeds because of comments like that and their PDA's on FB (i.e. Thanks for having dinner with me tonight, love.) Why can't they just say that to their face?! (Sorry, rant over!).

Wifey said...

Oh. my. goodness. I SO badly want to scream at these people, too. I want to post how much it hurts me to see these updates when there are women, like me, in the trenches working extremely hard to just make it through the day because their bodies cannot do what they want it to. Thanks, Facebook, for rubbing it in.

Wifey said...

Michelle- do you have an e-mail that I can contact you at?

Kate said...

I'm glad I only have a handful of relatives back home on Facebook and not a bunch of friends who would get into all these silly games. I would be mad sad and aggravated all at once. I'm sorry you had to deal with it.

ColieCole said...

Ugh! I've come very close to posting something very similar to this blog entry on Facebook. I've thought it was a stupid thing every year, but this year it really rubbed me the wrong way.

Suzanna said...

Yeah I saw those around this year... And the first few did hurt, cause I thought they were indeed pregnant. But then I saw a guy post it... that helped some. lol. Anyways, I totally agree with you on this post. Thanks for sharing

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.