"Well, I'm pregnant."
"We're expecting a baby."
"We'll be adding to our family soon."
Why are these words so difficult to say?
My tummy is big enough now that someone who knows me can tell I'm pregnant.
In the last week or so, I have had several client meetings. In those meetings, clients have asked leading questions like, "So... anything new and exciting going on?" They are opening up the dialogue for me to share my obvious news (that's becoming more obvious as the days pass).
One client asked me this question 3 times. Even so, I still found myself unable to tell her my news. She must have thought I was crazy, or worse, that I wasn't happy to be in this position.
I always thought if I ever became pregnant, I'd be screaming it from the rooftops. And I am screaming it inside. I am the happiest I've been in my life. It's all I talk about with Ryan. I *love* to discuss it with people. But I just can't "announce" it. At least not out loud. I can't say those words.
Almost everyone who I told personally that we were pregnant found out via email or text message. My parents learned by phone. It wasn't until the announcements were over that I realized I didn't actually look anyone in the eyes and tell them I was pregnant. At least not that I can remember.
What is wrong with me? How can someone SO happy and SO grateful be SO unable to say those words out loud? It really bothers me.
I am wondering if I spent so long thinking I may never be here, I didn't allow myself to even imagine how it would be. For 7 years, I avoided the word "pregnant". Saying it out loud now makes it real, and I am too scared to believe it's real... I'm afraid if I say it, I'm going to lose it.
How long will this last? And how do I change it?