Thursday, May 19, 2011

Appleseed’s Due Date

In September 2010 we lost our little Appleseed, our first pregnancy. At some point, during the bliss of the positive pregnancy results, I had googled my due date. I knew it wasn’t ‘official’ until the doctor confirmed it, so I didn’t pay much attention to the specific date other than to note it was right near Mother’s Day.

How perfect, I thought. After 7 years of waiting (exactly), I find out we’re expecting on our anniversary with a due date near Mother’s Day. Life couldn’t be better.

A week or so later, the world came crashing down, and that date I googled became a distant memory.

On Mother’s Day, I thought about our Appleseed. I wondered what that day would have been like if he or she had made it. Would I have a brand new baby? Or would I be waddling along, praying for labor to begin?

There were a few friends and a couple acquaintances that became pregnant at the same time I did. Over the past couple of weeks, I have seen their birth announcements, new baby pictures, etc. I think about our Appleseed and it makes me sad and wistful. He or she would have been here by now too, right? I wasn’t sure.

I didn’t want to know Appleseed’s due date prior to that day. I can’t explain why. But as I watched my last friend give birth to her May baby, I figured it was time. Last night, I again googled my due date: May 12th, last Thursday.

I am so grateful to have Katelyn at this time in my life. She does not replace our Appleseed, just like she doesn’t take away the pain of losing Andie. I love all my babies. But it is such a comfort to have Katelyn with me, to touch my belly and know that one of my babies is still here and, Lord willing, I will be able to mother her in person in only 4 more months.


Update on Katelyn's heartbeat: It is still skipping beats, although sometimes more frequently than others. I was able to get an appointment with Nurse G tomorrow morning.


Marianne said...

I can only imagine how you are feeling. I wish things could have been easier for you. Of course you are thrilled to have Katelyn but I totally understand how you feel about Andie and Appleseed. Hugs.

Hope said...

Thinking of you and Appleseed. (((Hugs)))

elliespen said...

I found out I was pregnant with the Little Guy three weeks after what would have been my due date for my second miscarried pregnancy. Sometimes I have to laugh about that timing. Good luck to you as you go through this period. Also, sending prayers that you are able to get Katelyn's heartbeat issues figured out soon.

Michele said...

hugs and warm thoughts...

Brock said...

I thought of little appleseed on mother's day. She will always be loved and thought of!

Mrs. Lydon said...

So bittersweet. I would be due this week coming up. I have had it on my mind recently as well. And have also felt greatful to have little beans in there to take a little of the sadness of that day away. my thoughts are with you. Hope katelyns appointment goes well. xoxo