Thursday, December 9, 2010

It Comes and Goes

Last night I was skimming my FB homepage when I saw an old friend’s recent status update… Only 1 more week and we see what gender the baby will be!

This friend is pregnant, due in May, just like I was.

Grief from the miscarriage is always there, although the intensity comes and goes. You are walking around and coping fine when suddenly…BAM. It’s right there in your face again.

After 7 years of waiting, I found out I was pregnant on our Anniversary and had a due date of Mother’s Day. It couldn’t have been more perfect. And in a flash it was gone. This baby, our little appleseed, is gone. And that’s it. Just like that.

I want to be in that place again. I want that baby. Even if I am blessed to become pregnant again at some point, I will always want that baby.

I don’t think that feeling goes away.

Ryan was perfect… he didn’t say much… just kissed my face and held me.

6 comments:

Tami said...

I understand...Hugs. Had a bad today myself with it all, and guess what?? Facebook too...sometimes I think it was the worst invention ever....

Richard and McKenna said...

It is so true. After having 3 miscarriages, I missed all my little ones SO much even though they stopped growing early like your little appleseed. Other people don't understand how attached you become and how much you love them. But I have to say, after I had my little boy, the pain doesn't completely go away, but he has healed my heart SO much that the pain is almost nonexistent. Such a tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father. So just have hope, that it does get better :)

A said...

Thank God for your husband who knows just the right way to love you when you are missing your little one (HUG). Praying for you tonight :)

Michele said...

You are right... No matter the pregnancies that come after, you do always want "that" baby. To this day, I often wonder about our first miscarriage, back in 2001... I could have an almost 10 year old... It's crazy. I truly believe that, if this is the only way I could have all my children, that I would choose this life again. But knowing that I have six babies in heaven hurts... It makes me grateful for the two I have on earth. But you do always wonder... and want...

Chhandita said...

The pain never ever goes away...I still miss my angel baby...((hugs)))..http://chhandita-phoenix.blogspot.com/search?q=unseen+life

Christine Dallimore said...

My heart is dropping right now because I can totally relate to how you feel. It seems like with every loss there was ALWAYS a reminder like that not too far away...AND it seemed to always pop out of nowhere. I pray that your fourth watch is just around the corner. If you have no idea what I am talking about, let me know! Anyhow, it does seem like there is always one last storm before the blessing comes. If it were up to me, I'd say you are just in those very last final moments. You have been through SO MUCH. You deserve a season of bliss. Sending hugs your way...and many heartfelt prayers as always.

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.