Sunday, September 6, 2009

Passing Time

A couple of months ago, I come home to find a bright pink flyer on my porch. As I looked at it, I noticed it was from a local foster parenting agency.

Now I've talked about Foster Parenting in the past, and my frustration with people throwing it at me as an option. Deciding to foster is such a personal decision, and not one to be suggested, or entered into, lightly.

But as I read the flyer, I felt a glimmer of excitement. I talked to Ryan and he was actually (surprisingly) supportive about the idea. He had questions, and we both felt cautious, but I have hung onto the flyer since that day.

Recently, Ryan and I decided to take a 10-year-anniversary trip. Once we return, we're climbing 'back on the horse' so-to-speak, and attempting once again to start our family.

In the meantime, I am passing time. Finding this flyer has helped give me purpose. If we were to foster parent or adopt, we get the opportunity to have strangers decide if we would be good parents. Part of this process involves them coming into our home and assessing it's suitability for housing a child.

And this brings me to my latest project: Operation Organization. I would imagine most people have cabinets, drawers and closets that are a bit, how should I say, cluttered? Well, I do too. So, I am in the process of decluttering and clearing out our house.

This includes our "3rd Bedroom", which will someday be our child's room. I have heard some people talk about getting a room ready for a child, and the pain they feel when the room stays empty. For some reason, I am feeling the opposite emotion. Clearing out that room is giving me hope. I know I will be a mother someday, and I feel that preparing for this fact helps it feel more real. What I am feeling is nice, so I am going with it for now.

Taking a second look at foster parenting feels nice too. I don't know if and how far we will pursue that avenue, but having it as an option seems right for us.

Regardless, for now, I am forcing my eyes upon greener pastures. Or maybe white, sandy beaches. Living and loving my best friend, helping with those fun and crazy teenage girls at church, reconnecting with girlfriends, and anxiously awaiting boarding that plane for Hawaii: these are the things I keep in the front of my mind. Every now and then the sadness returns, but I put a band-aid on it and keep going. Because that's what you do when you're passing time.


Quick Note: Should we choose to pursue foster care, I will be open and appreciative to opinions and obserations. Until that time, please don't bombard me with negative comments. I realize it can be a tough and heartbreaking process. Let me live in the dream for a while longer. Reality will come soon enough! Thanks.


Savannah said...

I think you should follow your heart, and I hope that soon you can be a mother. I'm glad you an open mind to other options, but I also agree with you. These are decisions that aren't reached lightly. Since we announced we wanted to adopt, we get pestered with why we should foster adopt. We have our reasons for not doing so, and we might change our minds someday. But for now, I wish people would let it go.
Good luck with the orginization project, I should start one of those at my house.

Shannon said...

Hey Michelle! I've been kind of removed from the blog world lately. I am catching up on my blog reading and just love this blog that you have created to share your journey with us. I have a baby room too. It's empty right now and even though I am not brave enough to decorate it or make it an actual "baby room," it is empty and ready and we even call it the baby's room. Lou used to close the door and leave it closed all the time, but we have started to leave it open and I find myself wandering in there from time to time. I feel hopeful having this room ready.
Thanks again Michelle for your blog and you good example.