I should consider myself fortunate that I went three years without hurt feelings, or even so much as a heated debate, on my blog. You know, when I first started this blog it was on a website that didn’t allow comments. The only reason I began writing was to avoid the face-to-face questions (what treatments are you doing, are you pregnant yet, etc) from friends or family. It was just to let these people keep up with my progress. Then, I had to stop treatments because they were just plain too expensive. And that’s when I really started pouring my heart out on here.
I moved my blog to another site, and allowed comments. Friends would leave encouraging words, and I took comfort in that. Then one day I discovered I wasn’t alone out there. Other people had blogs that talked about the same things mine did! It was so exciting. For some people, sending an email or leaving a comment was the first time they talked about their infertility to someone besides their spouse. They took comfort in my blog, and I theirs. So, when I moved my blog to blogspot, and noticed I could make people sign in to leave comments, I decided not to go that route. It was nice to have an open, supportive forum to share together.
I feel the anonymous comment left on September 9th (“Anonymous #1”) was not done to hurt me. On the other hand, I strongly feel that the person who made that comment does not know me personally. If she does, then she doesn’t know me well.
I try to bend over backwards to show love and compassion to mothers on a daily basis, sometimes to my own detriment. I firmly believe, if someone didn’t know I had infertility, they would not be able to tell by how I treat those around me. That is my goal at least. I make that decision every day. And then, on a day where I was at my lowest of lows, pouring my soul out, I am told to be kinder than necessary. That just broke my heart.
Looking back at my posts, a truly anonymous comment is rare. If the commenter felt okay with what she had to say, why didn’t she give her name? I was left to wonder: Who was she? Did I know her personally? Had I offended her in some way?
I say this with respect and love… Infertility is hard enough without having to answer those questions as well. Infertility is hard enough without having mystery people tell you to see things from the other side, and chastise your friends when they are trying to hold you up. I don’t know how many times I can say this: I understand motherhood is hard! I know that someday I will have trials greater than this one! So now that I’ve said that, please give me this little part of the internet oblivion to release my deepest thoughts, and gain comfort from those who know me or are also experiencing this infertility nightmare.
This blog is my solace. No one is perfect. I never thought I was.
For Anonymous #2: Those close friends in my life, the ones who have held my hand through every trial and wiped every tear, they knew how that comment would make me feel. They came to my defense; that was their intent. They were trying to make it a little easier on me. They are good people.
The remarks made on this blog in the last few days have caused me to question my comment set-up. As much as it saddens me, I am removing the anonymous option. There is now a sign-in required to leave a comment.