Thursday, May 22, 2008


Sometimes the pain of infertility is nearly unbearable. I have never experienced anything this lonely, this heartbreaking, this painful. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I feel so alone. The pain is actually physical, sometimes I can't even breathe. I don't know how to let it go. But, after 5 years, I don't know how much more I can take.


Anonymous said...

I happen to stumble upon your blog page and I've saved it to my favorites because I wanted to see what type of progress you were making. First, let me say that I do understand everything you're going through, from the awkwardness of being around women who are pregnant and just the yearning and desire to have your own children. I've been there. I'm 30 years old. First let me explain my situation, I had a hormonal imbalance and my cyles are only between 23-25 days which means the odds for me conceiving were slim to none. Some how, somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I wouldn't be able to have children, even though I knew that I wanted them. I let my mind convince my body that no child would ever be able to live in my womb. So with each month that past and each menstrual cycle that came, I felt the little hope that I did have for that 22 days flutter away. I began to resent my body for being so cruel and not allowing me to do what women were put here for. Then one day out of no where I realized that I'm the one in charge, and I decide my fate and even if the odds are stacked against me, I'm the one who will ultimately decides what will happen to my body. That's when I got a sense of empowerment and when suddenly that voice that used to have tell me that I couldn't get pregnant began to fade. I'm not going to lie, it didn't happen overnight, it took three months from that time but it did happen. I stopped doubting myself and asking if I "could" get pregnant and replaced that could with "when" I do get pregnant. That has made all the difference. You are fine. You WILL get pregnant. YOU decide your fate, not anyone else. Throw away all those fertility calendars and thermometers. I did that junk and all it did was stressed me out. If you insist on ferility aids, then you may want to try something called preseed and some really good herbs. That what I used. In the mean time, you will be in my prayers. God bless and be encouraged. Danielle

RMCarter said...

Thank you for the advice. I try to keep that positive attitude. Sometimes I struggle, and have a bad night, but I always get back up! Thanks for your encouraging words!

Congrats on your pregnancy!