A few Sunday's ago, I had what I refer to as a 'bitter day'. It was just one of those days when the sadness, jealousy and anger were overwhelming. It was also the first Sunday of the month, which means it was the time when church members are invited up to share their testimony in front of the congregation.
Because it was a bitter day, it felt that everyone was talking about receiving answers to their prayers. Sitting in the pew below, I couldn't get the thought out of my head that my one consistent prayer still hasn't been answered. They talked about the faith they had, and how God rewarded that faith with some blessing they desired. Of course, all I heard was: If you had faith, you'd get your blessing too.
Afterward, as I sat in class waiting for Sunday School to start, I was digging in my church bag and found an old quote from a previous class. It was from Elder Boyd K. Packer:
"Shortly after I was called as a General Authority, I went to Elder Harold B. Lee for counsel. He listened very carefully to my problem and suggested that I see President David O. McKay. President McKay counseled me as to the direction I should go. I was very willing to be obedient but saw no way possible for me to do as he counseled me to do.
"I returned to Elder Lee and told him that I saw no way to move in the direction I was counseled to go. He said, 'The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning.' I replied that I would like to see at least a step or two ahead. Then came the lesson of a lifetime: 'You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you'."
That's me!! I want to see the end from the beginning.
I feel as though I've been walking in years of darkness. Sometimes it is so dark, I'm sure I must have gotten lost. But deep down I know that I have to keep going, if I ever want to see that light that is waiting to show me the way.
Although I still felt frustrated, and a little bitter, finding this quote helped me to take a deep breath and continue through the day. I am grateful that, even though He hasn't chosen to bless me with my biggest desire, God does reach out and touch me sometimes, and reminds me not to give up.