Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

Father's Day has always been a bit easier than Mother's Day. Maybe it's because hubby has handled our infertility much more gracefully than I have, I'm not sure. That is why today surprised me... it was harder than I expected.

At church this morning, I watched all of the kids come up to the front and sing to their dads. It was adorable, and achingly sad. I still have no child up there.

The Bishop asked all fathers to stand and receive their treat. Ryan wasn't even there (he was working). So why did it hurt so much not to see him standing up next to me?

When I headed out to my car to leave, I saw kids jumping into minivans and SUVs. I couldn't help but wonder what surprises were waiting for those dads at home. Maybe their favorite item for dinner, or a yummy dessert? A scribbled drawing or just a father's day hug? All things that I knew my husband would not be receiving today.

The day turned when I went to my Dad's tonight. I gave him a long hug and thought of all those out there who don't have their fathers to hold. Those who have dads in the military. People who might not know their dad. Or perhaps those with fathers who have passed away. What these people would give for what I still have...

Finally, I thought of my Father in Heaven. The One who has treated me as only a parent could. He forgives me when I stomp my feet and question why. He feels my pain and understands my frustrations. He withholds blessings, as much as it hurts me, because there is a greater purpose. And when I forget that, He quietly reminds me.

And He reminded me today.

I hope all those dads out there had a wonderful Father's Day. I want to wish my hubby a Happy Father's Day too. Thank you for sacrificing so much to help me become a mom someday.


Miss Ruby said...

Infertility makes seemingly "fine" occasions hurt, especially when we least expect it.

Guvnor doesn't bat an eyelid on Fathers Day and yet I feel sad because I haven't been able to make him a Dad.

Big hugs

Here for ICLW
Rach @

Britt said...

I am sorry the day was rough. I was surprised that my hubs had a rough reaction to the day as well. We both had plans for this to be his "first" father's day and it wasn't to be. Sending you love across the internet. Happy ICLW.

Heather said...

Situations like this are so tough when you are infertile. I had a much harder time on Mother's Day than DH did Sunday, but it still stung a little bit.

Take care.


Marianne said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy that you were able to have a moment with your own Father and to think of our Father in Heaven. It is at these moments we realise the depth of both the human and holy spirit.
I also read your rules and all I have to say about them is -AMEN! I now feel like I have some things to say back to my very kind and well-meaning friends and family.

To sum this comment up, I think U ROCK! I will be following your blog from now on!

Bret&Amberly said...

I just found your blog recently, and as someone who has struggled every mother's day for the past 8 years as well, I know where you are coming from.
Thank you for your thoughts and a good reminder of how much our Heavenly Father does love us. I wish you all the best in the coming months.

daega99 said...

Wonderful post! I need to give my dad a big hug...


Jem said...

These parent holidays are hardest for Infertiles!

~Jem (ICLW #56)

christine said...

I, too, feel like my hubby handles holidays better than I do. He's so confident that one day he'll be a dad, that he doesn't even think about it.

This was a beautiful post, thank you for sharing. And thank you for reminding me of the wonderful gift I have in both my earthly and Heavenly fathers.

ICLW #69

Christina said...

My heart breaks just thinking about having to watch all of those men stand, knowing that your husband wouldn't have if he were there. It makes me so sad. Wishing you all the best!


Krissi said...

It is hard and I know my hubby had a hard time with it before we were blessed with our family. I found you through ICLW and just added your link. I LOVE your rules page! These are all so good!! I hope this week has lifted your spirits a bit and you found many new blogs to follow and relate to. (ICLW #75)