Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I Choose Us

Have you ever seen the movie, The Family Man? It begins at an airport with a dramatic good-bye scene between a boyfriend and girlfriend. He was planning to move overseas for a year to intern at a company. Then, he would return and they will be together. That is the plan. She desperately wants him to stay. In the scene, she asks him to forget their plan. In her plea she says, “I choose us”.

This quote is the theme throughout the movie. Both Ryan and I really enjoy the movie, and watch it on occasion. Every once in a while we will joke with each other and someone will say dramatically, “I choose us”.

Over the last 6 years, I have been dedicated to beginning a family. Many of my decisions were directly related to this goal. I purchased a ‘family friendly’ vehicle (and when that one wore out, I purchased another). I chose a career that I enjoy, but also has an awesome opportunity to work part-time and from home. We bought a house.

During this time, I would freak out a bit inside when we would spend money on recreational things. I couldn’t fully enjoy it, as I felt any unnecessary purchase was pushing my dream of parenthood further and further away.

But now, I am starting to see things a bit differently. We received a tax refund this year, and anticipate another next year. Together, these refunds could pay for 3 fertility treatments, or put us 1/3 of the way towards having enough money for adoption. It’s possible this money could be what I need to begin my family.

But then I look at Ryan and all he has done for me, and for us. We will be married 10 years next year and, in all that time, we have never taken a ‘real’ vacation. We haven’t flown somewhere new or gone on an adventure. Over the last 10 years we have had ups and downs and everything in between. We’ve worked hard and accomplished much. Where’s the reward? What about us?

I have spent so much time and energy trying to ‘start’ a family, I nearly forgot about the family I already had. Yes, Ryan and I are a family and (someday) when the kids are grown and gone, it will just be us again. We were a family first. Having a baby doesn’t make a family, it just adds to it.

I have decided that we should use that money to take a fun and romantic vacation, just Ryan and I. By the time we go (next year), we will have gotten ourselves in financial order. Once we return, it is back to the task at hand: beginning our forever family. I plan to jump head first into the baby world and I have faith in the process. Should pregnancy happen while we wait, then that is wonderful. If not, we will always have the memories of this vacation to look back on.

I don’t know what the future holds. Perhaps sometimes you need to forget the plan. There is a lot I am unsure of. What I do know is we will have our family someday.

But, in the meantime, I choose us.


Robby and Katie said...

Robby and I love that movie! We usually end up crying by the end of it though. I say go for that real vacation. You will love having the memories to look back on. We have finally paid off from when we went to Brasil. I wouldn't trade the memories from that trip for anything. Let me know where you decide to go. That's the hard part, deciding. You guys deserve it.

babydust81 said...

Hi there,

I have been following your blog for a while. I life your style of writing. Honest and to the point.

I have been where you are. Deciding whether to go for a vacation or save the money for fertility treatments. My choice/Our choice had always been the former. Fertility treatments will still be there when we come back but that time spent to rebuild your relationship or to strengthen the relationship you already have might not be there again.

Go for that vacation. Have fun and if by having fun it brings other news than that is great. Till then have fun.

Dena said...

What a great reminder, for lots of us I'm sure. Have fun planning your vacation!

Emily said...

vacations and time as couple is so very important. i am glad you are making it a priority! can't wait to hear what you decide :)

Clare said...

Great post. You made me cry (again)! I also love that movie. Everything you said really resonated with me about already being a family. I often forget that and talk about trying 'to start a family' forgetting that I already have one: Me, my hubby and our 1 furbaby. You're absolutely right. So I really hope you enjoy that vacation and enjoy each other.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like a fantastic idea. I think that when you have your children, you'll look back and be glad you did this. :)

I hope you do something amazing.

Luke and Nat said...

Fabulous idea...Look into Costa Rica. We rented an island called Amapala Island for the week with my fam (a million yrs ago) and it was a blast. We had the whole mini island to ourselves with a maid and a cook (fisherman) and they take you out to the island on hollowed out log canoes...and it is gorgeous...it was dirt cheap because of the difference in currency...Costa Rica has beautiful beaches...theres a place called Tortuga Island that has a day cruise out to it...it's fantastic...whatever you chose have fun planning, sounds like a blast! :)

Hillary said...

I can sooo relate! Family car, just bought a house, family friendly job, don't want to spend any money..! But your words are so true, and I hope you and your DH have the best vacation ever.

And now I need to make sure we rent that movie :)

Elle Charlie said...

That's a beautiful idea, and I hope you two have a wonderful vacation!

Carrie said...

I love your post! My hubby and I have watched that movie every Christmas for years, and I love that scene. I am so glad you are not letting the all-consuming journey to baby get in the way of your life. I am guilty of that at many turns... and it is hard not to let it.

Thanks for the sweet words on my blog. Every comment warms my heart right now!


Dr.Rutledge said...

Hi Michelle,

A vacation for the both of you sounds like a great idea. Hope the planning goes well.

I'm a physician and former faculty member at Harvard and Stanford Medical Schools. I discovered your blog while looking for the best health writers on the web. I reviewed your posts, and think your writing would be a great addition to the Pregnancy & Fertility Community on Wellsphere, a top 5 health website that has nearly 5 million visitors monthly. If you would like to learn more about how you can join our Health Blogger Network, republish your blog posts and be featured on the Wellsphere platform, just drop me an email at dr.rutledge@wellsphere.com.


babydreaming said...

That is such a great post and I hope youg uys go some where amazing!!! Cant wait to hear where you decide to go.. how about Italy???