Sunday, April 26, 2009

Dreams and Signs

You would think that since I have been living, thinking, breathing baby over the past 6 years, I would have had many dreams about pregnancy and motherhood. Surprisingly, I haven't.

I remember the only time I have dreamed about children. It was 2004 and we had been trying to conceive for about 6 months. I had a really vivid dream where I was a mother to a newborn baby boy. It felt so real, that I shot up in bed and looked around for him when I woke up. I remember thinking how strange it was that I dreamed of a boy, as I have always thought my first baby would be a girl.

Since that time, I haven't dreamed about anything parenthood. In the last two years, I haven't dreamed much at all. I'm not sure why, but over the last few months, I have begun dreaming again; many, many dreams.

Last night, I dreamt again about a little boy. This time, he was about a year old. I was laying on the floor and he crawled on top of me. He grabbed my shirt at the shoulders with his pudgy little hands and hugged me, resting his head on my upper chest.

I remember what I felt at that moment: a pure sense of joy. The kind of joy I haven't felt in a long time. Pure happiness.

I wasn't sad when I woke up, just wistful. But I dismissed the dream quickly, got ready for the day and headed to church.

In church this morning, the speakers spoke about signs. One thing that was said today was that signs are not to give you faith, but to reward the faithful. You can't demand a sign from God to prove Himself to you, but He can choose to reach out and touch you, if He sees fit. As they talked, my thoughts wandered to my dream.

I am not saying my dream was a sign. What I do think is that instead of dismissing it, I should take it as a tender mercy from God. It was a glimpse of what may be in store for me someday. When you've spent the last 6 years climbing the mountain of infertility, it's sometimes nice to see what might be waiting for you on the other side.

12 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

I love your interpretation of your dream. It's nice to receive a nudge every now and then.
*ICLW*

Chhandita said...

Hey... you express yourself so ebautifully, its always amazing to read your postings.

Clare said...

Indeed. And that's why we keep climbing the mountain. Lovely post.

Parenthood For Me said...

That's beautiful. Wishing for your dreams to come true!
Erica

Countless Tomorrows said...

I see those kind of dreams as tender mercies too. I have a hard time dreaming during the day as I face reality. But I guess that is why they are called dreams. I hope you don't have to wait much longer for this dream to come true.

just me said...

thank you, that was a beautiful post.

Brock said...

I have a dream at least every other month that Cami is talking or running, or doing something amazing... I am always left with a peaceful feeling. Your post helped me to tap back into them!
Erin

Jenn said...

Hi!

I was wondering if I could email you... my email address is somedayjennifer[at]gmail[dot]com...

Thanks,
SJ

C Lo said...

LOVE your blog. I'm so happy for ICLW that I have been blessed to find so many great women.

It's so funny, because the way you describe that moment of the baby laying his head on your chest....it's something I've been struggling to articulate for a long time. I had my last child last year and he is quickly growing away from that time and it's heavenly.

I think it's funny that God has allowed you to "know" that feeling. I fully believe that some women are moms just like I am, they just haven't met their children yet. It's funny.....I get that impression from you.

Anyways I'm rambling..........I hope it's ok if I stop in again.

xo


iclw

Emily said...

Beautiful!

Amy Nielson said...

I definitely think dreams are tender mercies. What a wonderful dream for you to have.

While I was going through my treatments, I had a very vivid dream about a baby girl that is so special to me. My patriarchal blessing talks about dreams so I take them very seriously. Hope you keep on having happy dreams. :)

NFLStyleBlog said...

I think you're forgetting about the dream with the giant milkshake...I think there was a "child" in there too...or maybe just a child-at-heart?

I'm so happy that you are now finding yourself a more positive place. Although I can't understand WHAT you feel, I do understand THAT you feel. It's refreshing to read along as your posts become more and more positive. I'm so proud of you for stepping back from the plan and living in the moment.

I think of you every day (and not just 'cause I'm right down the hall...) Luvs you!

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.