Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Calling All Babies!

I used to consider myself good with babies. I was babysitting when most of my friends were still being babysat. I started watching my nephews on a limited basis at 10 years old and started watching other people's kids at 11. I was really comfortable holding, rocking, feeding, burping, you name it!

Then I got older, wrapped up in my own life, and I babysat less and less. Once I was married and started trying to conceive, I was in Long Beach and the friends I had that were starting families lived back at home.

By the time I was back in Fresno, I had been trying unsuccessfully for a year, and I was already becoming pretty heartbroken about not having a child of my own. I avoided babies, they just made me sad. They were little, cuddly reminders of what I didn't and couldn't have.

Time went on and I slowly became less and less bitter about my own struggle. Still sad, mind you, but less bitter. It began to be easier to be around babies. Unfortunately, by this time, I had become awkwardly uncomfortable when taking care of them. I began to feel completely out of my element while holding them. It's hard to describe and even harder to believe, since I grew up "baby crazy", wanting to hold and take care of every baby around. But, that's what I had become.

Okay, so on to the purpose of my story. When I talked with the acupuncturist's office yesterday, she told me to spend more time around babies, watching them, taking care of them, etc. At first, I braced myself. Typically, when someone is talking to me about my infertility and they tell me to spend more time around kids, they are preparing to make some kind of joke about how I could have their kids or how spending time with kids may make me not want one so bad. In fact, my anesthesiologist told me this while I was preparing to go under for surgery. Kind of unbelievable, huh? Here I am, undergoing elective surgery to try to find out why I can't conceive, and he makes a joke like that. He was lucky my arm was tied down and I was too disoriented to set him straight!

Anyway, I digress. The reason the nice lady at the acupuncturist's office was telling me to spend time around babies was because they have found that "getting in touch with your mothering instincts" by spending time nurturing a child can actually help you to conceive a child. Being in the nurturing frame of mind is good for the soul and, consequently, good for the body. There seems to be some truth behind the theory and, since I am willing to try just about anything that is safe, cheap, and effective, I'll try it!

So, I am going to try to be better about participating in all things baby. I know sometimes it may make me sad, as I truly want a child of my own. Nevertheless, when I am hanging out with friends or at church, and there are babies around, I am going to try to get in touch with the mother inside me. I may look awkward or insecure, but I think it will be good for me. If for no other reason than it would be good practice.


Isa said...

Lily is always in need of cuddles and diaper changes...although she is potty training herself (sort of)...I'll be driving up for a visit soon. Let's schedule a play date! I still haven't met Cosmo...I need some kitty time. Ben refuses me. It is so, so, so unfair. Maybe we could meet each others needs:)Hugs.

Poduska Family said...

Finn would love to come and see you! We will have to stop by next time we are out in Sanger. And I really like that theory. Our physical bodies are very much connected to our spiritual/emotional side.

Brittany said...

yeah, does that mean we have a babysitter!

Brittany said...

please come and visit. we would love to have you and let's face it, a guilt free nap already sounds good. I am sure in the coming weeks it will become an even more precious commodity. Let me know how much notice you need to give work to get a day off and we can work out a day. I will take all the help I can get! Yeah!

Luna said...

I think that makes a lot of sense. I think there is a lot about fertility, birth, and mothering that has gotten a little lost as society has moved from large families all together in villages to isolated nuclear families in large cities.

I wish we lived closer, cuz I just love to be able to visit. We will probably be out that way in Dec/Jan. Then you can have a full gamut of ages; older toddler, young toddler, and newborn.