There is something I have always known, but has become all the more obvious as the years of wanting children have ticked by...
I don't just want a baby, a child. I want my baby, my child.
I firmly believe that our children are predestined to be our children. Somehow, someway they find their way to us.
I have a friend on my support group (I hope she doesn't mind I share this) who had begun the adoption process. In the beginning, she didn't feel a huge sense of urgency. All of a sudden, one day, she felt strongly that she needed to get their paperwork in order right now. It was an overnight realization, and from then on she was full speed ahead, even without really knowing why.
A short time later, they were pulled into their case worker's office. He asked if they had a crib. Turns out, a baby had been born and my friend matched the birth mother's criteria exactly. Before even getting their background check finished, they were to become parents. Now it was clear why the urgency was there. They needed to be ready for their baby.
Another friend recently adopted as well. I had known about the possible opportunity, and had felt a little sad that I wasn't in the position to pursue it. My friend did instead, and I felt a little jealous. Until I saw her baby. In that instant, it was obvious. This was not my baby, it was hers, and meant to be with them.
So, I know that there are special spirits meant to call me mom. The mystery is how I will find them and when. As time goes on though, I become more convinced that I will find them someday. Even though I feel a twinge of sadness or jealousy when I see others start their family, I try to remind myself that just because someone else becomes pregnant or adopts, doesn't mean I never will. They aren't having my baby. :)
My babies are still waiting for me, just like I wait for them, and I know they are worth the wait!
... the waiting is the hardest part ... So true, so true!