Saturday, February 28, 2009

MY Baby

There is something I have always known, but has become all the more obvious as the years of wanting children have ticked by...

I don't just want a baby, a child. I want my baby, my child.

I firmly believe that our children are predestined to be our children. Somehow, someway they find their way to us.

I have a friend on my support group (I hope she doesn't mind I share this) who had begun the adoption process. In the beginning, she didn't feel a huge sense of urgency. All of a sudden, one day, she felt strongly that she needed to get their paperwork in order right now. It was an overnight realization, and from then on she was full speed ahead, even without really knowing why.

A short time later, they were pulled into their case worker's office. He asked if they had a crib. Turns out, a baby had been born and my friend matched the birth mother's criteria exactly. Before even getting their background check finished, they were to become parents. Now it was clear why the urgency was there. They needed to be ready for their baby.

Another friend recently adopted as well. I had known about the possible opportunity, and had felt a little sad that I wasn't in the position to pursue it. My friend did instead, and I felt a little jealous. Until I saw her baby. In that instant, it was obvious. This was not my baby, it was hers, and meant to be with them.

So, I know that there are special spirits meant to call me mom. The mystery is how I will find them and when. As time goes on though, I become more convinced that I will find them someday. Even though I feel a twinge of sadness or jealousy when I see others start their family, I try to remind myself that just because someone else becomes pregnant or adopts, doesn't mean I never will. They aren't having my baby. :)

My babies are still waiting for me, just like I wait for them, and I know they are worth the wait!

... the waiting is the hardest part ... So true, so true!

13 comments:

Brock said...

Michelle,
I found this post really meaningful. I know that someday your babies will find it meaningful too. I find hard to participate in your waiting too!
Erin

Amy Nielson said...

I agree with you. Each child is meant for who their parents are. It makes me think of that song by Michael McLean about adoption called "From God's Arms to my Arms to Yours". Have you heard that? I love that song. Makes me cry. You are going to be such a great mom and your kids will be worth all the wait - just hopefully not too much more waiting.

Emily said...

So true! Well said, I truly believe that. A good friend is always reminding me that babies are born to you when they are meant to no matter which way you become a mommy. Praying your wait is almost over and holding your hand in the mean time...

Malone and Brittany said...

Hi! I stumbled upon your blog from Savannah's link. I so needed to read this today. It reminded me to put things in perspective as we are also infertile and hoping to adopt. Thank you!

Meka said...

I am glad you shared my story! It's so true that Eden was meant to be in our family all along, and your children, no matter which way they come. The whole time I had been dealing with infertility I struggled with anger and my relationship with Heavenly Father, infertility does not go well with being LDS. When I found the 2ofus4now support group it helped so much. As I started to come to terms with my infertility, I began to read my scriptures again and just generally feel better about my relationship with God. What I am trying to say is when you are close to the Lord His thoughts will be YOUR thoughts. So when the time does come for you, there is no doubt you will know which path you are to take. The Lords timing is the hardest part! He really does have a plan for you, He has not forgotten you!

Chhandita said...

wonderful post...what you have written rings so true!!! I was in the middle of my adoption paperwork when I got my BFP... i felt so guilty about postponing the adoption procedure, but after reading your post, i know why all this happened....

Luke and Nat said...

So, so true. We started our paperwork with LDS in 2004 and didn't turn it in and complete it until 2007 because of the urgency we felt at that particular time in our lives, we knew that adoption was an option in 2004, it just wasn't the right time/season, but it's amazing the feelings that come when the time is NOW...no explanation, no reason why...just that feeling/the spirit letting us know that "our baby" was out there somewhere and we needed to be ready for her...and how quickly she came when we followed that prompting. I think we had one of the fastest adoptions such as your friends, we were very blessed...your babies no doubt are waiting for you or you are waiting for them...either way, they are yours , I agree. I have no doubts! And whether they come by way of another woman to this earth or by you, trust me that they will feel 100% yours when they come...I know that for a fact! ;)

Anonymous said...

such a nice post..very touching

Chhandita said...

Hey! I nominated you for an award. Chl my blog.

Leslie Laine said...

I love this post. Thank you for really putting things in perspective. Your message brings me a sense of solace and comfort during a morning that is very difficult for me - we are waiting for the clinic to call with our fertilization report from our first IVF cycle. You have reminded me of something my therapist says -infertility really is a journey and no matter what happens, the journey is taking you in the direction of finding your child, somewhere.

Thanks for writing this. I'm glad I stumbled on it this morning.

Susie Demke said...

When I read this, that past dream we talked about came to mind. Wow. But who knows. The Lord has a time table for all of us and all journeys have a destination point. I'm happy to get to be a small part of yours. I know I have said this before, you will get there. I know it, and probably sooner than you know. Michelle you are in my prayers.

Lemons said...

Hello, you don't know me but through trails of blogs, I found your blog. I too am a "sister in infertility" :) I just want to thank you for your comments about finding YOUR child. I too feel that same way. I too don't know how or when, but I hope someday to find MY child(ren). Thank you so much for sharing. I find more support online than I do any other way, so I really appreciate it! You're welcome to stop by or share my blog as well, it is: www.hopeformotherhood.blogspot.com
Sincerely,
Heidi

twinthoughts said...

Wow, Michelle your entry gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes. Motherhood is such a blessing and your right you will know when you see your babies. Your such an amazing and Kind person, I know you will be Great mom.

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.