Sunday, November 23, 2008

29 Things Infertility Is Teaching Me

Yesterday was my birthday. Last year, when I turned 28, I wrote about 28 Reasons to Smile - Things I Am Grateful For.

In celebration of my 29th birthday, I am attempting the ultimate task: 29 Things Infertility Is Teaching Me.

And here we go (in no particular order):

1. Good people say stupid things. Stupid people say stupid things. Forgive the good ones, and dismiss the stupid ones.

2. Holidays aren't a happy time for everyone.

3. Even though people experience different trials, many of the feelings and emotions are exactly the same.

4. Cats make great friends.

5. Patience is truly a virtue.

6. Be sensitive about what another might be going through, but don't treat them differently. They already feel different enough.

7. You are not to blame for your infertility, no matter what people say. You are not infertile because God is punishing you. You are not keeping yourself from pregnancy because you can't "relax".

8. While events like baby showers are wonderful for most, they are painful for some, no matter what precautions are taken. It's a fact and nothing can change it.

9. God never abandons you; you abandon Him.

10. Music can speak louder than 1000 words.

11. Force yourself to look at people's intentions, rather than their actions. It doesn't always help, but it does sometimes.

12. Doctors don't know everything.

13. Sometimes having faith is harder than you'd think, but so worth it.

14. You have the power to choose who you let in.

15. There will always be setbacks. Things rarely turn out as planned.

16. Try to enjoy the time alone with your husband, but it's okay to be annoyed when people tell you to do that.

17. It's acceptable to be angry, even pissed, about the place you are in your life. Just don't get stuck there for too long.

18. Therapy is a good thing, and not indicitive of a lack of strength.

19. Sometimes, you just don't want to be around kids, simply because it's too hard. But that doesn't make you a bad person.

20. Be careful with jealousy. It may seem another person has it all, but they may soon experience (or may be experiencing) something you wouldn't wish on anyone. You don't want to think (or say) something you'll regret.

21. Avoid dreamcrushers.

22. No matter what your current situation, there are people out there that would call you lucky.

23. It is okay to grieve infertility. It is just as much a loss as anything else.

24. You can miss people you've never met.

25. We typically compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths. This is not a fair comparison.

26. Take care of yourself, even if it means being greedy with your time, energy or emotions.

27. Every baby is a miracle.

28. You will never be the same person you were before, but you can learn to love the new you.

29. You will survive this, and be stronger on the other side. The love and appreciation you will have for your babies will be incalculable. Believe it or not, this will all be worth it in the end.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways, acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.

17 comments:

Elana Kahn said...

Happy birthday! I agree with you on all 29 points. IF stinks, but at least we can all learn from it. Here from ICLW.

Brenda said...

Happy Birthday. All of your 29 points resonate with me as well. On some of them, I just had to let out a big smile: such a small bullet point, but such a big lesson. I love this post so much, I think that I am going to print it out and put it on my mirror to look at in the morning before I start my day.

Emily said...

Happy Birthday!!!
Wonderful list - I love this idea.
Great advice to live and love by.
Thank you for your comment - I feel the same. It is a thread that binds us all...

Our Adoption Journey said...

I love your list. Some points made me smile and others touched so close to home that they made me cry. I think I will have to do a list also.
Happy Birthday.

kateypie35 said...

Very Happy Birthday to you! I hope this year brings you everything you wish for and deserve!
That is a wonderful list.

ICLW

Kristin said...

Happy Belated Birthday. This is a truly brilliant post. What a great way to recognize your birthday.

ICLW

brandya said...

Happy Belated Birthday! Your list touched my heart so very much! Thank you so much for sharing. I wish I could reach the computer and give yo ua great big hug. Thank you just doesn't say enough!

Luke and Nat said...

Amen to #6 and #7!

Michelle said...

WOW these a GREAT! Happy Birthday and thank you for this reminder!

IdleMindOfBeth said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it!

ICLW

Cassandra said...

Happy Birthday!

#8 made me remember the first baby shower I ever attended, as a child (age 8 maybe?). It never would have occurred to me at that point that someone might not be 100% happy to be there. Same thing at my own bridal shower, where everyone was in their early 20s and therefore hadn't hit the "I'm still not married" age yet. There was one friend who didn't come to my bridal shower, not because she was single but because she heard there would be a male stripper! (There wasn't.)

Here from ICLW...

alicia said...

happy birthday, I love your attitude and #29! I really hope this comes true for you very soon :

here from iclw

Seriously? - Erin said...

Happy Birthday. Your points are wonderful and well spoken. I will take some of these things to heart as I haven't thought of them all before.

Happy Thanksgiving as well.

Stacie said...

What an incredibly poignant list! I nodded my head after reading just about every one.

Happy belated Thanksgiving.

ICLW

Melissa said...

Excellent and true list. Happy Birthday!

sasha said...

whats an amazing list
i like your all #
here i would love to share a blog

http://www.mybabydoc.com/blog/
about women health pregnancy
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Jeannie Burnett said...

Thank you Presh! It was a present to us all :)

FAITH IN GOD MEANS HAVING FAITH IN HIS TIMING.