Friday, November 24, 2006

10 and 5

Top Ten Things NOT to say to a person with Infertility*

10. You've been married SIX years? What's the hold up? Don't you want kids?

9. Are you sure you're doing it right? (Laugh)

8. You're not getting any younger…

7. Oh, yeah! I know just how you feel! We tried for 5 MONTHS to get pregnant!!!

6. (Looking at their own children) Are you sure you want one? You can have these!!!

5. Look how clean your house is! You can tell no kids live here! (Laugh)

4. I tried for 3 months to get pregnant, and then I tried "XYZ Product" and it happened! I'm sure that will work for you too!

3. I wish I had the free time you do! You're so lucky! My kid(s) keep me so busy with "such and such".
(Just a note on this one… We want nothing more than to know what your kids are doing. We want to know all about it! But please don't call us "lucky" because we don't have kids.)

2. Did you know you can tell when you ovulate by taking your temperature???
(Trust me, we know.)

And the Number One thing NOT to say to a person with Infertility…

1. Just RELAX and it will happen!
(Sometimes just relaxing does help you to conceive but other times there are medical issues and no amount of relaxing can change that. Also, have you ever told someone to "not think about a zebra"? What happens? They immediately think of a zebra. The same goes with telling someone "relax" or "don't think about it". So, do all of us a favor and keep that advice to yourself!)

All of these things have been said to me at one time or another. Some of them several times! None of these comments were made with any ill intention. Some of it is great advice for someone just beginning to think about having a family. However, once you have been trying to conceive for three years, there isn't any advice you haven't heard!


So, what DO you say to a person with Infertility? Here are some suggestions…

Top Five Things to say to a person with Infertility

5. How are you feeling? (Only ask this if you truly want to know the answer.)

4. Let's go get ice cream!

3. I was just thinking about you.

2. I care about you.

And the Number One thing to say to a person with Infertility …

1. If you ever want to talk about it, I am here, but only if and when you want to. (And if they don't take you up on that, change the subject!)

*Infertility is defined as trying to conceive with no success for more than one year.

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