Twins Until Proven Otherwise
I have decided that I am not giving up on Andie.
When I posted about my last ultrasound, I wrote the things they told me at the doctor's office: Andie will not make it through the pregnancy, Andie will not catch up, Andie's heart will stop beating. Yes, I heard and I understand all those things.
I was afraid to admit that my hope for Andie never went away, even after hearing everything they had to say. I was afraid people would think I was in "denial" or not being "realistic".
I saw for myself Andie was too small, but I also saw the heartbeat. A heartbeat means there is still life, and as long as that heart is beating, I am pregnant with TWO babies, not one. And I am going to enjoy that as long as it lasts.
I understand Andie could leave us tomorrow, next week, or three weeks from now. But until that time I am not giving up!
I love both my babies!
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Madly in love but sadly infertile - Finally parents thanks to God above and the miracle of modern medicine!
Ryan and Michelle
Madly in love but sadly infertile - Finally parents thanks to God above and the miracle of modern medicine!
Purpose of this Blog
I started this blog back in 2006, when I first began treatments for infertility. At that time, it had been three years since we had started trying to begin our family. Once treatments began, it became clear that infertility was not a quick detour on this road of life; rather, it's a journey.
But at the end of it all, when those beautiful children finally come into my life, I want them to know that they were loved years before they were mine.
So, I am writing this for me and for them. And if it allows you to peak into my world, then that's good too.
But at the end of it all, when those beautiful children finally come into my life, I want them to know that they were loved years before they were mine.
So, I am writing this for me and for them. And if it allows you to peak into my world, then that's good too.
Our Cheerleaders!
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OUR DIAGNOSIS:
UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY
Treatments
Song of the Moment
My Journey...
- Sept 1996: Our first date - We were 16 years old
- Aug 2000: Married my high school sweetheart
- Jan 2002: Joined a trying-to-conceive online group
- Aug 2003: Officially began TTC
- April 2004: Got an ovulation kit
- July 2004: Referral to Dr. Synn - Fertility Specialist
- Sept 2004: Did a battery of fertility tests. All normal.
- Oct 2006: Began blogging my fertility experiences
- Oct 2006: 1st round of Clomid - BFN
- Dec 2006: 2nd round of Clomid (with patches and progesterone) - BFN
- Jan 2007: 3rd round of Clomid (with patches, progesterone, and IUI) - BFN
- Feb 2007: 4th round of Clomid (with patches, progesterone, and IUI) - BFN
- June 2007: Laparoscopic and Hysteroscopic Surgery - No endo found
- July 2007: Repeated all fertility-related blood work. All numbers look perfect.
- April 2008: First acupuncture appointment
- May 2008: Thyroid panel testing - All normal
- Sept 2008: Began sessions with a psychologist
- Jan 2009: Started Treatment for Depression
- Sept 2009: Repeated Bloodwork - Numbers still normal
- Oct 2009: Back on the acupuncture bandwagon
- Jan 2010: Another Break
- March 2010: Fully weened off the antidepressants
- May 2010: Back to the RE; Second HSG. Tubes all clear.
- July 2010: 1st Medicated IUI Cycle with Follistim - BFN
- Aug 2010: 2nd Medicated IUI Cycle with Follistim - First Ever BFP!!!
- Sept 2010: Miscarriage at 5 weeks
- Oct 2010: 3rd Medicated IUI Cycle with Follistim - BFN
- Nov 2010: 4th Medicated IUI Cycle with Follistim - BFN
- Jan 2011: 5th Medicated IUI Cycle with Follistim - BFP!
- Oct 2011: FINALLY held our baby girl in our arms. Life is Good.
"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make."-Gordon B Hinckley
Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we wanted them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.
- Joseph F. Smith
- Joseph F. Smith
Hope Springs Eternal
FAITH
Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.
- Gordon B. Hinckley
- Gordon B. Hinckley
My Desire
What we consistently desire, over time is what we we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity.
Neal A. Maxwell
Neal A. Maxwell
The Pain of Infertility...
My Poetry:
If I Was Blind
My Videos:
Faith and Fertility...
A Year in the Life of Infertility...
Carry Your Cross...
His Hands...
11 comments:
I love you, Michelle. I am so glad that you do whatever feels right to you. You are an inspiration to so many people.
In my haste to read your blog and congratulate you, I thought losing Andie was a for sure thing. I apologize for writing your little fighter off so quickly. Congrats on both your babies, they both desire acknowledgment! We are so happy for you, I was thinking of you being so sick and thinking she is probably just smiling right through all the nausea (maybe this isn't the case, but it made me smile just thinking about it)- such a strong happy girl. We love you!
I love how you are not giving up on Andie!! I'll be praying that your babies and my little one will be here, happy and healthy in October!!
I couldn't agree more. Miracles happen everyday. Why not for this baby too? :)
When Kelly was pregnant with the triplets 6 years ago, they told her "Baby C" would not survive... but they have 3 adorable little girls in Kindergarten this year. Those little guys can be real fighters!
You are pregnant with twins until proven otherwise. There are 2 babies. Your attitude is perfect. Anyone who thinks you are in denial is crazy. All you have to do is show them the ultrasound and say.... "Are you blind.... these are my babies, here is my proof!"
There is always hope. Always.
You are already making a magnificent mother. Thats exactly what you should do. If we have learned anything throught our respective journeys through infertility it is definately that Doctors educated opinions are not the end all be all. Hope and prayer have the ability to do wonders. I know I will be praying and hoping with you. Grow baby andie GROW.
I'm cheering for Andie! I don't think you're in denial--it sounds to me like you are focusing on the present. Right now you are pregnant with twins. :-)
As Einstein said, "I'd rather be an optimist and a fool than a pessimist and right!" I'm all for optimism. :-)
Our hope is firmly in the Lord is still able today to do anything. Hoping with you for Andie.
I've been absent from your blog for a while, but I wanted to say CONGRATS!! :) Don't give up that hope... I'll definitely be keeping Andie, Beanie and their parents in my prayers!! :D
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