Okay, valued friends and readers... it is National Adoption Month. And I have a little gift to celebrate... finally some good news.
It took a bit of investigating, but I was able to speak personally with Jean Earhart, the Adoption Supervisor in my area for LDS Family Services.
She has confirmed that the fees to adopt using LDSFS will remain at 10% of your annual income, with a $10,000 cap. She knows of no planned increase as of right now.
After talking with many people on the subject, it appears they may have been considering an increase in fees, but have decided not to. So, for a while anyway, it seems we are safe!
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Total Bummer!
I got some disappointing news this weekend... I have heard that LDS Family Services is raising its adoption rates substantially. Instead of 10% of your annual income, the fee will be 20% (as of Jan 1st). I believe the minimum has changed too, now at $10,000 instead of $4000. I have not yet been able to confirm these changes online. I am wondering if anyone has any more info.
Also, because the Morning After Pill is now available over the counter, the number of babies available for adoption has dramatically decreased.
For a person in my postition, this type of news is discouraging.
Also, because the Morning After Pill is now available over the counter, the number of babies available for adoption has dramatically decreased.
For a person in my postition, this type of news is discouraging.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
A Mother's Love
Believe it or not, there are those out there who think you can't love a child as deeply if they are not "your own" (i.e., biologically related). To those people, I want you to watch this video.
Like every other species, women are capable of loving a child as their own, regardless of their biology. And, as an adoptee myself, I can say a child is capable of feeling the love of a mother who did not give birth to them.
All women can be mothers.
Like every other species, women are capable of loving a child as their own, regardless of their biology. And, as an adoptee myself, I can say a child is capable of feeling the love of a mother who did not give birth to them.
All women can be mothers.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Resource
I recently found a great resource for infertility and adoption information. This website includes a weekly radio show in which the topics are evenly divided between infertility treatments and adoption. I have listened to several past shows so far, and have learned a lot. She often interviews authors, REs, attorneys, etc about a variety of issues.
Creating a Family
Creating a Family
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
MY Baby
There is something I have always known, but has become all the more obvious as the years of wanting children have ticked by...
I don't just want a baby, a child. I want my baby, my child.
I firmly believe that our children are predestined to be our children. Somehow, someway they find their way to us.
I have a friend on my support group (I hope she doesn't mind I share this) who had begun the adoption process. In the beginning, she didn't feel a huge sense of urgency. All of a sudden, one day, she felt strongly that she needed to get their paperwork in order right now. It was an overnight realization, and from then on she was full speed ahead, even without really knowing why.
A short time later, they were pulled into their case worker's office. He asked if they had a crib. Turns out, a baby had been born and my friend matched the birth mother's criteria exactly. Before even getting their background check finished, they were to become parents. Now it was clear why the urgency was there. They needed to be ready for their baby.
Another friend recently adopted as well. I had known about the possible opportunity, and had felt a little sad that I wasn't in the position to pursue it. My friend did instead, and I felt a little jealous. Until I saw her baby. In that instant, it was obvious. This was not my baby, it was hers, and meant to be with them.
So, I know that there are special spirits meant to call me mom. The mystery is how I will find them and when. As time goes on though, I become more convinced that I will find them someday. Even though I feel a twinge of sadness or jealousy when I see others start their family, I try to remind myself that just because someone else becomes pregnant or adopts, doesn't mean I never will. They aren't having my baby. :)
My babies are still waiting for me, just like I wait for them, and I know they are worth the wait!
... the waiting is the hardest part ... So true, so true!
I don't just want a baby, a child. I want my baby, my child.
I firmly believe that our children are predestined to be our children. Somehow, someway they find their way to us.
I have a friend on my support group (I hope she doesn't mind I share this) who had begun the adoption process. In the beginning, she didn't feel a huge sense of urgency. All of a sudden, one day, she felt strongly that she needed to get their paperwork in order right now. It was an overnight realization, and from then on she was full speed ahead, even without really knowing why.
A short time later, they were pulled into their case worker's office. He asked if they had a crib. Turns out, a baby had been born and my friend matched the birth mother's criteria exactly. Before even getting their background check finished, they were to become parents. Now it was clear why the urgency was there. They needed to be ready for their baby.
Another friend recently adopted as well. I had known about the possible opportunity, and had felt a little sad that I wasn't in the position to pursue it. My friend did instead, and I felt a little jealous. Until I saw her baby. In that instant, it was obvious. This was not my baby, it was hers, and meant to be with them.
So, I know that there are special spirits meant to call me mom. The mystery is how I will find them and when. As time goes on though, I become more convinced that I will find them someday. Even though I feel a twinge of sadness or jealousy when I see others start their family, I try to remind myself that just because someone else becomes pregnant or adopts, doesn't mean I never will. They aren't having my baby. :)
My babies are still waiting for me, just like I wait for them, and I know they are worth the wait!
... the waiting is the hardest part ... So true, so true!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A Beautiful Parallel
I belong to an email support group centered around infertility. Recently, someone made the comparison between having a child and getting married. The more I thought about it, the more I identified with it. I thought it was remarkable, and I hope I can explain it in a way that is not offensive.
Planning your wedding day is a big deal for a woman. As little girls, we grow up wanting to have a beautiful wedding someday. Once we are engaged (and sometimes even before then), we spend hours over every detail: the dresses, the cake, the colors, the music. We want that day to be everything we have ever dreamed of.
Fairly quickly though, the wedding day passes and we settle into the marriage. It is in the marriage (hopefully) that we discover what the 'wedding' was truly all about. Although we look back fondly on our wedding day, it is the actual journey through life with our best friend that fulfills us, uplifts us, challenges us, and molds us. Our life is not defined by that one day frozen in time, but by the days, weeks, months, and years that follow.
You can make a similar comparison to pregnancy and parenting.
I remember as a little girl stuffing a pillow under my shirt and pretending I was a soon-to-be-mommy. I believed that carrying a child was the gateway to the job I want most in the world, Mom; much like the wedding day is a gateway to a marriage.
I have never been pregnant, or had a child. Even so, I imagine that, despite the beautiful (and not-so-beautiful) moments in pregnancy, the true guts and glory of being a mother is achieved in the rearing of the child.
Thus, pregnancy might be compared to a wedding day. Wonderful, amazing, stressful, emotional, and even majestic... but what really matters is the result: a beautiful new life and the start of a family.
So, what would it mean if I adopted a child? Maybe I would miss the 'wedding day', but I would gain the 'marriage'. Isn't that the important part anyway?
And I wouldn't really be missing the 'wedding day'. It would just be different than I had planned; like some exotic destination wedding. Different stresses and different joys... same beautiful result.
I don't need to fear that the train to motherhood will leave me behind at the station. I just may be getting on at a different stop. The trial is in waiting for my turn to board...
-------------------------------------------------
Recently, I wrote a blog about an experience with screaming children during a recent grocery store outing. I feel I need to clarify something, as I have spoken with a few people about the subject and feel I was misunderstood.
I have often seen weary parents trying to wrangle their exhausted, screaming children in public places before. I have looked on their situation with compassion and adoration at their seemingly endless supply of patience. I have doubted my own future ability to handle such a dilemma. I have not envied their position one bit and have hoped that there was peaceful resolution for them soon.
The difference in this situation was the parent's encouragement of the behavior and the apparent disregard for the comfort of anyone else in earshot. Combine that with an especially difficult day and you have a recipe for a good batch of venting.
I hope that makes sense! :)
Planning your wedding day is a big deal for a woman. As little girls, we grow up wanting to have a beautiful wedding someday. Once we are engaged (and sometimes even before then), we spend hours over every detail: the dresses, the cake, the colors, the music. We want that day to be everything we have ever dreamed of.
Fairly quickly though, the wedding day passes and we settle into the marriage. It is in the marriage (hopefully) that we discover what the 'wedding' was truly all about. Although we look back fondly on our wedding day, it is the actual journey through life with our best friend that fulfills us, uplifts us, challenges us, and molds us. Our life is not defined by that one day frozen in time, but by the days, weeks, months, and years that follow.
You can make a similar comparison to pregnancy and parenting.
I remember as a little girl stuffing a pillow under my shirt and pretending I was a soon-to-be-mommy. I believed that carrying a child was the gateway to the job I want most in the world, Mom; much like the wedding day is a gateway to a marriage.
I have never been pregnant, or had a child. Even so, I imagine that, despite the beautiful (and not-so-beautiful) moments in pregnancy, the true guts and glory of being a mother is achieved in the rearing of the child.
Thus, pregnancy might be compared to a wedding day. Wonderful, amazing, stressful, emotional, and even majestic... but what really matters is the result: a beautiful new life and the start of a family.
So, what would it mean if I adopted a child? Maybe I would miss the 'wedding day', but I would gain the 'marriage'. Isn't that the important part anyway?
And I wouldn't really be missing the 'wedding day'. It would just be different than I had planned; like some exotic destination wedding. Different stresses and different joys... same beautiful result.
I don't need to fear that the train to motherhood will leave me behind at the station. I just may be getting on at a different stop. The trial is in waiting for my turn to board...
-------------------------------------------------
Recently, I wrote a blog about an experience with screaming children during a recent grocery store outing. I feel I need to clarify something, as I have spoken with a few people about the subject and feel I was misunderstood.
I have often seen weary parents trying to wrangle their exhausted, screaming children in public places before. I have looked on their situation with compassion and adoration at their seemingly endless supply of patience. I have doubted my own future ability to handle such a dilemma. I have not envied their position one bit and have hoped that there was peaceful resolution for them soon.
The difference in this situation was the parent's encouragement of the behavior and the apparent disregard for the comfort of anyone else in earshot. Combine that with an especially difficult day and you have a recipe for a good batch of venting.
I hope that makes sense! :)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
An Improvement!
This has been my second cycle using diet, herbs, and acupuncture. I did not get pregnant, but I have noticed marked improvements in my cycles!
Prior to beginning treatment, I would spot for 7 - 8 days and then have a 2 day, very light period. What is the significance of that? It's an indicator that I did not build up a good lining in my uterus during my leutel phase. A baby can not implant in a teeny, tiny lining. A rich full lining is needed to provide a home for an embryo. Not only that, the spotting would begin early in the cycle, causing a short leutal phase, which is also anti-pregnancy.
Well, last cycle (my first using TCM), I went 23 days before spotting. Once the spotting began, it lasted just a few days and then a more normal period followed. This cycle, I went a full 26 days with no spotting, one day of spotting, followed by what looks like a "normal" period. I am beginning to improve!
So, I plan to continue with this treatment next cycle, with a couple additions. The biggest addition has to do with timing ovulation. The temperature taking helps me to know I have ovulated, but not until 3 days afterward (your temperature takes a dip at ovulation and then rises, but you can't be sure until it has truly risen for three days). Adding the Fertility Monitor will tell me of ovulation the day before it occurs.
Why am I doing all this? I know there are those of you who think, "You're trying too hard". In fact, several of you have told this directly to me. I have one response to that. It is from the book "Inconceivable" by Julia Indichova and when I read it, I felt like it came straight from my heart:
"Certainly, no one can guarantee that our efforts will crack the code and bring us the result we hope for. The only thing that is certain is that taking an active part in the treatment process leaves less room for despair. It creates opportunities we could not have anticipated. In the last seven years of working with people, it has become clear to me that sewn deep in the lining of the most unattractive garment - whether it's labeled infertility, fibromyalgia, depression or any other name - is a precious gem. Our task is to find that gem; discover what it is for each of us and to draw strength from the search."
Nothing I am doing is harmful or risky. In fact, it can only be beneficial: physically, hormonally, and emotionally. No time was so miserable as this last year, the year I tried to "forget about it". I'm sorry, but this heartbreak is unforgettable and when I was trying not to think about it, I was a numbed-out version of myself. The times it did cross my mind, I felt guilty and shoved it away. It was an awful way to live.
Now I am embracing this situation and all that comes with it. The knowledge, the experimentation, the good days and the bad. I no longer feel guilty for my days of longing, and overall I have been happier and more relaxed than I have been in a long time.
I would adopt a baby right now if I could. After all, I'm pursuing parenthood, not necessarily fertility. But adoption costs money that I do not have right now. So, in the meantime, I can go about this naturally. If God wants me to have my baby biologically, I guess I'll get pregnant. If nothing else, at least I'll have the healthiest body I've ever had.
________________________________________________
In an attempt to see where I have been and where I am going, I thought it will be helpful for me to list it here. Writing out my "plan" makes it formal and empowering!
What I did this cycle:
Entire Cycle -
Temperature taking and charting
Prenatal Vitamin each night
2 Times a day - Chaste tree (Vitex)
Before Ovulation -
3 Times a day: 3 tablets "Seven Forests Woman's Treasure" (Nii Bao Pian)
During Ovulation -
Slowly weaning off "Woman's Treasure" and starting "Health Concerns Woman's Balance" (Dan Zhi Xiao Yao San)
1 session Acupuncture
After Ovulation:
3 Times a day: 3 tablets of "Woman's Balance"
Beginning 2 Times a day and increasing to 4 Times a day: ProgonB (Natural Progesterone)
1 session Acupuncture
Additions for next cycle:
Entire Cycle -
Improving my diet, exercise, and relaxation
During Ovulation -
ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor
Pre-Seed
After Ovulation -
Progesterone Creme
Prior to beginning treatment, I would spot for 7 - 8 days and then have a 2 day, very light period. What is the significance of that? It's an indicator that I did not build up a good lining in my uterus during my leutel phase. A baby can not implant in a teeny, tiny lining. A rich full lining is needed to provide a home for an embryo. Not only that, the spotting would begin early in the cycle, causing a short leutal phase, which is also anti-pregnancy.
Well, last cycle (my first using TCM), I went 23 days before spotting. Once the spotting began, it lasted just a few days and then a more normal period followed. This cycle, I went a full 26 days with no spotting, one day of spotting, followed by what looks like a "normal" period. I am beginning to improve!
So, I plan to continue with this treatment next cycle, with a couple additions. The biggest addition has to do with timing ovulation. The temperature taking helps me to know I have ovulated, but not until 3 days afterward (your temperature takes a dip at ovulation and then rises, but you can't be sure until it has truly risen for three days). Adding the Fertility Monitor will tell me of ovulation the day before it occurs.
Why am I doing all this? I know there are those of you who think, "You're trying too hard". In fact, several of you have told this directly to me. I have one response to that. It is from the book "Inconceivable" by Julia Indichova and when I read it, I felt like it came straight from my heart:
"Certainly, no one can guarantee that our efforts will crack the code and bring us the result we hope for. The only thing that is certain is that taking an active part in the treatment process leaves less room for despair. It creates opportunities we could not have anticipated. In the last seven years of working with people, it has become clear to me that sewn deep in the lining of the most unattractive garment - whether it's labeled infertility, fibromyalgia, depression or any other name - is a precious gem. Our task is to find that gem; discover what it is for each of us and to draw strength from the search."
Nothing I am doing is harmful or risky. In fact, it can only be beneficial: physically, hormonally, and emotionally. No time was so miserable as this last year, the year I tried to "forget about it". I'm sorry, but this heartbreak is unforgettable and when I was trying not to think about it, I was a numbed-out version of myself. The times it did cross my mind, I felt guilty and shoved it away. It was an awful way to live.
Now I am embracing this situation and all that comes with it. The knowledge, the experimentation, the good days and the bad. I no longer feel guilty for my days of longing, and overall I have been happier and more relaxed than I have been in a long time.
I would adopt a baby right now if I could. After all, I'm pursuing parenthood, not necessarily fertility. But adoption costs money that I do not have right now. So, in the meantime, I can go about this naturally. If God wants me to have my baby biologically, I guess I'll get pregnant. If nothing else, at least I'll have the healthiest body I've ever had.
________________________________________________
In an attempt to see where I have been and where I am going, I thought it will be helpful for me to list it here. Writing out my "plan" makes it formal and empowering!
What I did this cycle:
Entire Cycle -
Temperature taking and charting
Prenatal Vitamin each night
2 Times a day - Chaste tree (Vitex)
Before Ovulation -
3 Times a day: 3 tablets "Seven Forests Woman's Treasure" (Nii Bao Pian)
During Ovulation -
Slowly weaning off "Woman's Treasure" and starting "Health Concerns Woman's Balance" (Dan Zhi Xiao Yao San)
1 session Acupuncture
After Ovulation:
3 Times a day: 3 tablets of "Woman's Balance"
Beginning 2 Times a day and increasing to 4 Times a day: ProgonB (Natural Progesterone)
1 session Acupuncture
Additions for next cycle:
Entire Cycle -
Improving my diet, exercise, and relaxation
During Ovulation -
ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor
Pre-Seed
After Ovulation -
Progesterone Creme
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Lately...
Well, it's been a while. No posts for 3 months, that might be a record. Life has been busy and I have welcomed the distraction. I have been studying for my CFP test, coming up in about a month. Once that is taken (and passed, hopefully) life should return to "normal", whatever that is. And with that, I know the pain of infertility will rear its ugly head again.
On the baby front, I am feeling quite stuck. I am not sure where to go from here. Supposedly, we should be getting a "rebate" check around May that would almost cover one fertility treatment. The thought of using that check for that purpose is exciting. But, on the other hand, adoption has been on my mind too.
There are people out there who would think me crazy to call it quits on fertility treatments so soon. After all, I am only in "Stage Two" treatments. They are relatively cheap, where fertility treatments are concerned. Seems most adoptions occur after many years and thousands of dollars are spent on treatments. Adoption is the last step for many couples. Here I am, just one step past basic Clomid, and I feel ready to jump to the end.
But it has been nearly 5 years since I began this journey. Perhaps I'm just so ready for a child, that I can not bear any more time "wasted" doing the treatments. Of course, if they work, it wouldn't be time wasted. But if I knew they would work, my answer would be obvious.
I know that I can not solve this dilemma on my own. Prayer is the only answer here. So, as the poem says "I'll pray and calmly wait", which is much easier said than done.
On the baby front, I am feeling quite stuck. I am not sure where to go from here. Supposedly, we should be getting a "rebate" check around May that would almost cover one fertility treatment. The thought of using that check for that purpose is exciting. But, on the other hand, adoption has been on my mind too.
There are people out there who would think me crazy to call it quits on fertility treatments so soon. After all, I am only in "Stage Two" treatments. They are relatively cheap, where fertility treatments are concerned. Seems most adoptions occur after many years and thousands of dollars are spent on treatments. Adoption is the last step for many couples. Here I am, just one step past basic Clomid, and I feel ready to jump to the end.
But it has been nearly 5 years since I began this journey. Perhaps I'm just so ready for a child, that I can not bear any more time "wasted" doing the treatments. Of course, if they work, it wouldn't be time wasted. But if I knew they would work, my answer would be obvious.
I know that I can not solve this dilemma on my own. Prayer is the only answer here. So, as the poem says "I'll pray and calmly wait", which is much easier said than done.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Where are MY Easter Eggs? (and a timeline)
On a Saturday morning a few weeks ago, amidst chocolate covered bunnies and carrot cake, it hit me. Had we been one of those people who conceived right away, there would be a three-year-old running around the backyard, looking for hidden eggs. Probably there would have also been a one-year-old tagging along behind.
Now before I scold myself for buying tickets to my own pity party, I must remember that it is okay to briefly slip into the dark side of “what ifs” and “if onlys”. It’s just important not to get stuck there.
So, I was indulging myself in this dangerous game of replaying the past, when I lost it a little. And by a little, I mean a lot. I was okay until I described my feelings to Ryan and forgot that sometimes my mouth is directly connected to my tear ducts.
You know the feeling when the normal, everyday guy you’re married to says something so sincere and comforting, that for a minute you almost don’t recognize him? Not to say that Ryan isn’t great all the time, but to feel that heard and that understood changed the entire course of the conversation. All I felt coming from him was concern and compassion. No sympathy, no belittlement, not even exasperation that (yet again) we were rehashing this situation. Just empathy.
Ryan suggested that if I wasn’t pregnant by the time he finished his field training (about 6 months), we start looking into adopting.
Like most men, Ryan would love to have a child that is his biologically. As his wife, I want nothing more than to give that to him. However, we can not keep this up forever. Barring something working out for us in the meantime, in about a year we will be facing the stage in which in-vitro fertilization would be our last option. While many couples find in-vitro to be a positive choice for them and have been rewarded with tiny miracles of their very own, it seems at this point neither Ryan nor I are considering taking that step. The cost is ~$10,000 and, as with all fertility treatments, the results are not guaranteed.
For me personally, I feel that biology fades while family is forever. As an adopted child myself, I can see many positive aspects in adoption. I have had friends that have adopted and I can not picture these families without these children.
I attended an adoption meeting recently (I was asked to speak about my experience as an adopted person). I listened to adoptive and birth parents speak about the role of adoption in their lives. I’d dare say this experience is not better or worse than having your own biological child, just different.
So, what would be different? I guess instead of telling my child about waiting for her due date, I would be telling her about waiting for adoption paperwork to be approved. Instead of stories about how my water broke in the grocery store and it took 15 hours of labor to get her here, I would be telling her how I got the phone call she was on the way and it took 15 hours to drive to the hospital where she was born. Instead of hearing about Daddy cutting the umbilical cord, it would be Daddy taking pictures through the nursery windows and finding a computer to email them home to friends and family. Instead of the first car ride as we drove home from the hospital, maybe it would be the first ride home on an airplane. Regardless, she would be ours and we would be hers and there would be no doubt in the world how much we wanted her. Not better or worse, just different.
And, heaven forbid, someday she might actually want to meet her birth mother??? Well, I’m sure there are worse things in this world than watching your child connect with someone as selfless as that.
Sure, adoption is riddled with unknowns, positives and negatives, a true roller coaster of emotions. But, isn’t infertility? Even further, isn’t parenting in general? I wouldn’t know…
When Ryan was suggesting we start the adoption process on that Saturday morning, he was jumping ahead just a bit. For now, I am still on the infertility carousel. I have my surgery consultation on May 23rd. From there, I will schedule the laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. Should this not result in pregnancy, I am willing to do the hormone shots in combination with IUIs. This is expensive (~$1000-$1500/month) so we will probably rotate, one month on and one month off for a total of 6 rounds. Then I will know that I gave it my all. I can grieve the fact that I can never give Ryan a child of his own (genetically) and I can be comfortable turning to adoption. That’s the timeline at this point. What happens from here on out is anyone’s guess.
Now before I scold myself for buying tickets to my own pity party, I must remember that it is okay to briefly slip into the dark side of “what ifs” and “if onlys”. It’s just important not to get stuck there.
So, I was indulging myself in this dangerous game of replaying the past, when I lost it a little. And by a little, I mean a lot. I was okay until I described my feelings to Ryan and forgot that sometimes my mouth is directly connected to my tear ducts.
You know the feeling when the normal, everyday guy you’re married to says something so sincere and comforting, that for a minute you almost don’t recognize him? Not to say that Ryan isn’t great all the time, but to feel that heard and that understood changed the entire course of the conversation. All I felt coming from him was concern and compassion. No sympathy, no belittlement, not even exasperation that (yet again) we were rehashing this situation. Just empathy.
Ryan suggested that if I wasn’t pregnant by the time he finished his field training (about 6 months), we start looking into adopting.
Like most men, Ryan would love to have a child that is his biologically. As his wife, I want nothing more than to give that to him. However, we can not keep this up forever. Barring something working out for us in the meantime, in about a year we will be facing the stage in which in-vitro fertilization would be our last option. While many couples find in-vitro to be a positive choice for them and have been rewarded with tiny miracles of their very own, it seems at this point neither Ryan nor I are considering taking that step. The cost is ~$10,000 and, as with all fertility treatments, the results are not guaranteed.
For me personally, I feel that biology fades while family is forever. As an adopted child myself, I can see many positive aspects in adoption. I have had friends that have adopted and I can not picture these families without these children.
I attended an adoption meeting recently (I was asked to speak about my experience as an adopted person). I listened to adoptive and birth parents speak about the role of adoption in their lives. I’d dare say this experience is not better or worse than having your own biological child, just different.
So, what would be different? I guess instead of telling my child about waiting for her due date, I would be telling her about waiting for adoption paperwork to be approved. Instead of stories about how my water broke in the grocery store and it took 15 hours of labor to get her here, I would be telling her how I got the phone call she was on the way and it took 15 hours to drive to the hospital where she was born. Instead of hearing about Daddy cutting the umbilical cord, it would be Daddy taking pictures through the nursery windows and finding a computer to email them home to friends and family. Instead of the first car ride as we drove home from the hospital, maybe it would be the first ride home on an airplane. Regardless, she would be ours and we would be hers and there would be no doubt in the world how much we wanted her. Not better or worse, just different.
And, heaven forbid, someday she might actually want to meet her birth mother??? Well, I’m sure there are worse things in this world than watching your child connect with someone as selfless as that.
Sure, adoption is riddled with unknowns, positives and negatives, a true roller coaster of emotions. But, isn’t infertility? Even further, isn’t parenting in general? I wouldn’t know…
When Ryan was suggesting we start the adoption process on that Saturday morning, he was jumping ahead just a bit. For now, I am still on the infertility carousel. I have my surgery consultation on May 23rd. From there, I will schedule the laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. Should this not result in pregnancy, I am willing to do the hormone shots in combination with IUIs. This is expensive (~$1000-$1500/month) so we will probably rotate, one month on and one month off for a total of 6 rounds. Then I will know that I gave it my all. I can grieve the fact that I can never give Ryan a child of his own (genetically) and I can be comfortable turning to adoption. That’s the timeline at this point. What happens from here on out is anyone’s guess.
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